The Lie I Told For You
by jhuniemarieilarde
Summary: During the 3rd Quarter Quell, Effie picked a name inside the bowl but she did not read what's in it. She called a different name and now she's burden with a heavy secret. #hayffie for life!
1. Chapter 1

The 75th Hunger Games or the 3rd Quarter Quell has been announced and Effie is left frozen in her living room. _Pool of remaining victors_…she kept repeating that in her head until she can finally cope with the fact that President Snow just sentenced all those who survived the games to their second death sentence. She looked at her phone thinking of calling him, ask how he's feeling but she knows that is a bad idea. He will not want to talk to her at the moment considering where she came from and what she is. Of course, the two of them made peace about that and he had seen her as a person rather than a doll but in this kind of situation, Haymitch seems to forget that agreement.

"Have you heard?" Cinna asked her by the phone.

"Yes, I saw it personally on the television. For the love of Panem, why would President Snow do this? They already survived. Why put them back in the arena?" she answered then asked.

There is a long pause between that question and Cinna's answer and that's something that didn't go unnoticed by Effie.

"It's Quarter Quell, sweetheart. You know how it is. There is no rule", he answered.

She knows he's keeping something from her. They've known each other for a very long time. Other than Haymitch, he's the closest person to her. Other people will say their family is number one on their list but Effie's family is different and ever since she became an escort and fully understood the games, she couldn't look at them the same way especially when they're watching the games with such delight on their faces. Her mother warned her not to do anything stupid about the things she's observing. It's unladylike and she will risk herself and her entire family if she expressed her dismay so Effie kept her mouth shut and kept a blind eye.

The day of the Reaping has come but she wanted to see him first so she travelled to Twelve a day early so they can have time. There is no prep team accompanying her so no one notice her arrival at the district. Peeta and Katniss' houses are very quiet. She'll visit the children soon but first, she has to see Haymitch. Effie knocked on the door but no one answered. _He must've passed out somewhere inside his house_, she thought. The door is unlocked so she let herself in despite it being improper.

"Haymitch?" she called but no one answered.

The house looked like a pigsty but she didn't expect anything less. She's been there many times and not once did he make an effort to change his house's interior.

"What are you doing here, princess?" he asked when he came in from the back door.

His eyes wandered starting from her wig to her shoes. _She's very Capitol_, he thought. He put down a bag filled with bottles of whisky that he got from town.

"The Reaping Day is tomorrow but I wanted to see you so I caught the train for today", she answered carefully organizing her words.

She doesn't want to upset him, not now. He's fragile emotionally. She knows what the game did to him. She knows it better than anyone else. Almost ten years they've worked together. She knows this is already eating him.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked as he opens the first bottle.

_It's too early for that_, Effie almost yelled inside her brain but she kept it there.

"How are you feeling? I wanted to call you after the announcement but I am not sure if you want to talk to me", she asked.

"You're right not to call. I don't want to talk, especially to you", he spat.

Effie knows that already but it still hurt to hear it out loud. She cannot blame him. It's her government that's putting him again in the same nightmare that messed up his life so she bit her tongue and held her tears.

She's good at keeping it in but at that split second, he saw her eyes shone a bit. He knows she means well and that she cares. She's the only one who does for years but he can't help to be angry not at her personally but for the very idea she and her people represent. It's not her fault to be born Capitol and yet he's still mad.

"How is Katniss and Peeta? I went here first so I haven't talked to them yet", she asked just to break the awkward silence.

"Katniss went hysterical in the woods after the announcement. The fate is sealed for her. She's going back. Peeta kept himself inside his house before coming to see me to make a deal", he answered without looking at her so he can make a decent conversation with Effie.

"Deal?" she asked out of curiosity.

"He wanted me to do anything and everything I can to keep Katniss alive. If they both go in, he wants me sober and out there hounding all the sponsors to save her life and not his", he answered.

Effie figured that Peeta wants to go in the arena to protect Katniss. The boy will do everything for her.

"Katniss made a deal as well with me. She wanted me to keep Peeta alive. If Peeta's name got called, she wants me to volunteer in his place and I said yes", he added.

That almost stopped Effie's breathing.

"What? You don't want to go back into that place", she muttered without holding anything back.

Haymitch finally looked at her and smirked a little. She remembered all those times his time at the arena haunted him at night and he can see that she cannot maintain that escort façade she's always sporting.

"I don't have a choice, sweetheart. Peeta is not equipped to be in the arena. You know that. If it wasn't for Katniss, he'll be dead the first time", he explained.

He's sugarcoating it. She can see it clearly. He's taking a page from her book. He's putting a face for her so she won't worry.

"I guess not. The children must come first", she muttered remembering their mantra.

"Curse of being a mentor", he replied.


	2. Chapter 2

The day of the Reaping has come and Effie positioned herself at the stage in front of Twelve's residents. As usual, she recited her lines with plastered smile on her face to appear excited about the horror fiasco of the Capitol. Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch marched from the aisle towards the stage and she maintained the smile on her face while her stomach is twisting at the sight of the three people she cares deeply about marching to their deaths.

"As usual, ladies' first", she said and walked towards the bowl.

Katniss didn't even look at her. She's staring into the space accepting the fact that she's going back to the arena. Effie averted her gaze and picked the only paper inside the bowl and went to the microphone.

"Katniss Everdeen", she read for the second time.

She glanced over to her and saw the single tear that ran from her eye to her face. Effie caught herself losing her mask so she quickly turned her attention to the boys. She picked a piece of paper but before she opened it, she saw Haymitch and Katniss nodded to each other. _Katniss made a deal as well with me. She wanted me to keep Peeta alive. If Peeta's name got called, she wants me to volunteer in his place and I said yes_. It's their deal. It's going to happen. Effie opened the paper and saw Peeta's name written on it. Her mouth took action before her brain can catch up.

"Haymitch Abernathy", she said and folded the paper right away.

"I volunteer as tribute", Peeta quickly said.

She knows he will volunteer. That's why she called Haymitch's name. He tried to stop him but he knows he can't so it's done. After the whole district pledged their support for their tributes in their own way, the Peacekeepers dragged them towards the train station without giving the tributes their chance to say goodbye to their families.

The journey back to the Capitol is quiet. The children chose to spend their time inside their rooms while Effie did her best to avoid Haymitch using her work. Of course, he noticed how she acted around him. She stopped having eye contact with him and she's always busy when he's trying to banter with her.

"Still at those damn paperwork, princess?" he asked when he came to the living room.

"Manners, Haymitch", she snapped upon hearing his profanity.

She kept on working while he stood beside her watching how conscious she suddenly became when he came in the room. Something is up and he's dying to know.

"Spit it out, sweetheart", he said.

"Haymitch, I am working", she said.

"You're always working and it's unnatural because you hate that so what's bothering you", he insisted.

She finally looked up and met his eyes. Can she really tell him what she did? She just sentenced Peeta to his death to save Haymitch. Will he forgive her for that? He wanted to save the young boy and she prevented him from doing that.

"A lot of things do bother me, Haymitch, but I try my best to keep it to myself and be productive", she said.

Haymitch knows she's not telling the truth. Effie is not a good liar. Her façade tends to crack whenever she's pressured to tell the truth. She sure doesn't want to tell him whatever it is so he will not press harder. It's been a long day and he has no energy to argue.

"Fine. I'll go to my room. Feel free to join me if you're up to it", he said and then left her to be alone.

She didn't join him to his room. Haymitch found her early in the morning talking with Cinna and it's not a rare scene. It's just that they're talking way more seriously.

"Cinna…never knew you're on board", he intervened to get their attention.

"Yes, I was at Seven so I hopped in", Cinna said.

Effie is a little bit tensed behind him but she masked with a smile.

"Well, I shall leave the two of you. I have a schedule to make sure will be followed", Effie excused herself leaving me and Cinna alone.

"So, what are you really doing here?" Haymitch asked in a serious tone.

"They wanted it to happen now. The new Head Gamemaker is on our side. This is it", Cinna answered.

He's talking about rebellion. There's been talk about it in their circle for years but it's finally coming to fruition and it's all because of Katniss.

"Is that why you're talking to Effie or more like whispering?" he asked.

Cinna frowned a little. He can see that he's not jealous but rather curious.

"Do you wish me to tell her about the plan?" Cinna asked him back.

"No. She's not a good liar and she'll only be in danger if she knows", he answered.

Cinna only nodded. He's about to leave the room when he remembered something.

"Will you do me favor, Haymitch?" Cinna asked. Haymitch turned to him. "When the time has come to go there, bring her with you", he finished.

Haymitch frowned.

"She's a Capitol, Cinna. She'll be a lot safer there. They will not touch her", he reasoned but Cinna doesn't look convinced.

"I think you of all people know that once you crossed the President Snow, it doesn't matter whether one is a Capitol or not. Just keep that in mind. It's the only thing I'll ask of you. Bring here with you", Cinna said and then leave.

His words left Haymitch. _Once you crossed the President Snow, it doesn't matter whether one is a Capitol or not_. Did Effie cross President Snow?


	3. Chapter 3

Effie went out her way to get her team's tokens done. She did spend quite a fortune on them too but she did not mention any of that to her team. She wanted to do something special and to make a statement that they are one. Gold is not her favorite color for her wig but for her team, she'll do anything. Peeta talked to her the night before about his token. He said he wanted it to be a medallion and a secret locket. He wants the pictures of Katniss' family to be put inside the locket so he can remind her inside the arena her reason to fight.

"I will not survive the game, Effie. We both know that", he said.

A wave of guilt hit her ten times harder. It's her fault he's going in. It's not supposed to be him.

"I am so sorry", she apologized not stating the reason why she's apologizing.

It can be a lot of reasons. Sorry for being part of the games. Sorry for being a Capitol. Sorry for trading your life for Haymitch.

"It's alright, Effie. I know you did it for Haymitch", Peeta suddenly said and that made Effie frowned. "I saw what's written on that paper. It's my name and you knew Haymitch will volunteer on my behalf because Katniss made him promise. You did it to protect him and I am grateful", he added.

"Why would you be grateful? I sentenced you to your death", she asked.

"You didn't. President Snow did. I wanted to go in the arena. I wanted to be there for Katniss and to protect her. If you called out my name on the Reaping, I won't be able to do that and I will beat myself for it so thank you", he answered.

That made her tear up as she hugged the young boy she thought to be her son.

After she handed the tokens to her team, she excused herself to go to her room. Tomorrow, Katniss and Peeta will go inside the arena and only one of them may come back. Haymitch's whisky looks good to her but drinking is not her habit. She needs a clear head so she can be there for her victors when they need her. In her head, she's already lining up sponsors to support them. She even thought about asking some people she particularly dislike but for them, she's willing to swallow her pride.

"Are you out of your mind, Trinket?" Haymitch asked behind her.

She didn't hear her door open and now he's standing inside her bedroom.

"What do you mean?" she asked him back.

"Tokens…it's fine to give us your golds but that stupid wig of yours is like shouting to Snow you're one of us and not with them. You are putting yourself at risk", he answered.

She cannot determine if he's angry about her intention or he just simply disliked her wig.

"I am with you and the children. We are team. Is that really that bad? My heart is with my team. It's as simple as that", she explained.

Haymitch took a deep sigh.

"It's wonderful, sweetheart and we appreciate it. Katniss rarely say thank you and you heard her say it. President Snow is not us. He will see this as an act of defiance and betrayal", he explained.

She knows that. She knows that way before she even announced the wrong name during the Reaping. Effie flashed him a smile he knows too well is fake.

"Don't worry about me, Haymitch. Everything will be fine. Now, go to your room and rest because tomorrow is going to be a big big big day", she said.

The games started and Effie did not fail to see the gold bangle she gave to Haymitch on Finnick's arm. She didn't say a word about it. He expected her to but she didn't give it to him. They watched the game side by side in silence. She wonders why she hasn't seen Cinna since he parted with Katniss. Her heart is telling her something is not right. That dress he made for her is a big statement for President Snow and if she felt that way about it, then the government noticed that too.

"Have you heard from Cinna yet?" she asked Haymitch who is sitting next to her.

"No but I'll go ahead and call", he answered and then got up to make a phone call.

Effie looked at the television and saw the group planning on electrocuting the others. He's taking too long with the phone call so she got up and followed him but stopped midway when she heard something.

"…you mean right now? What do you want me to say? No. That is insane. We are not ready yet. Katniss is not ready yet. I know that. Thirteen knows we're coming? Alright. Alright. Give me some time…few minutes", Haymitch said.

Effie quickly went back to the sofa and pretended not hearing anything.

"Cinna is not back in his apartment and the others haven't seen him yet", he reported.

"Oh, that is unfortunate", she only muttered.

Once Katniss blew up the arena, Haymitch walked towards the door. He cannot bring himself to leave her just like that.

"Eff", he called her attention.

"Yes, Haymitch?" she asked.

"Be careful", he answered.

It's short but she got his message. Things are about to go down but before she can say anything, he walked out the door. She wanted to tell him that wherever he's going, she wants to go with him. She would rather be in other places than to be in the Capitol without him but he's gone. He left and he left her. The television has blacked out and there's an awkward silence inside the penthouse. A few minutes later, the door burst open and dozen of Peacekeepers came in.

"What's going on?" she asked but she's answered with a gun smashed to her head that knocked her out.


	4. Chapter 4

Inside the hovercraft, Haymitch paced back and forth. They got Katniss, Finnick, and Beetee but failed to get Peeta and Johanna. Plutarch's contacts in the Capitol are keeping him informed about what's happening there. Haymitch couldn't help but think about Effie. She's left behind in the penthouse and she's alone. Cinna is dead. She's been worrying about him and now she'll find out that he left her as well. _When the time has come to go there, bring her with you_. Cinna's words ringing in his head. What exactly does he know about her that he feared not bringing her with them will put her life at risk?

"Stop walking back and forth. You're making me dizzy", Plutarch commented.

"I shouldn't have left her there. They will come for her", he muttered.

"Haymitch, she's Capitol. She's Effie Trinket. Do you honestly think they will touch her?" Plutarch asked.

"She made that stupid statement of us being a team. She gave us tokens and put on that hideous golden wig on her head. Effie literally told the Capitol which side she's on so yeah, there is a possibility that they will touch her", he answered.

Plutarch sighed. He knows about that too. He heard President Snow commented about that while they're watching footages of the game.

"She's too valuable for the Capitol. She's a public figure even when she's not an escort. She's a huge model and fashion icon. They wouldn't dare hurt her", he explained.

Haymitch tried to weigh that in. It can be true. He knows Effie is a hot shot in the Capitol. If they touched her, there will be an outrage in the city.

Once they arrived at Thirteen, they all planned how they're going to attack the Capitol. Days went by and they've been made aware that the other victors are still alive.

"I got news. Effie has been arrested by the Peacekeepers", Plutarch told Haymitch.

"What did you say? You said they will not touch her", he asked.

"I thought that too but apparently nothing is off limits to them now. They got her after we left the Capitol. One of the Avoxes informed my contact. If my guess is right, she'll be with Peeta, Johanna, and Annie", Plutarch answered.

That's good, he guessed. The others will take care of her the best they can anyway and Peeta is there for her.

"Put her on the list of the rescue", Haymitch said and Plutarch nodded.

He wasn't able to see the people they rescued because he's forced to go in rehab. Thirteen doesn't condone alcoholism and there's no supply of whisky there so he has no choice. He only wished for it to be over so he can finally see Effie who's probably waiting for an explanation on why he didn't bring her all along. He wanted to. He asked them if he can but they refused mainly because of her Capitol status.

It took three weeks for him to dry out. Once he's cleared to go, he immediately went to the hospital wing so he can visit Effie. He was told that all those who got rescued are still there under treatment since they suffered in numerous amount of torture.

"Trinket, our escort, the one with all the colorful wigs, heavy makeup and hideous dresses. Where is she?" he clarified his question.

"Effie? She's not on the list. We only got the victors", Gale answered.

He may not be able to read the list clearly so he shove the young man away and went inside the room. Annie and Finnick are on the corner cuddling with each other. He looked around and saw no Effie. _This is not happening_, he thought. It couldn't be a nightmare because he's sober and his head is very clear. _Just keep that in mind. It's the only thing I'll ask of you. Bring here with you…_

"You fucking asshole!" Johanna launched at him from behind which caught him off guard.

He stumbled backwards and fell on his back which hurt a lot. Johanna is holding the needle from her arm trying to stab him with it.

"Johanna! Stop this!" Haymitch yelled but she's not listening.

Finnick and Gale came in to the rescue and pulled Johanna away from Haymitch but she's still resisting.

"It's Haymitch, Jo", Finnick said to his best friend.

"Oh, I know that!" she spat then turned to Haymitch. "How could you leave her there? You just fucking leave her! She was begging your soldiers to take her too but they all went _'oh, you're not on the list. Capitol sluts are never on the list'_ so what's up with that, huh? After you used her you just tossed her aside? She took the fall for all of you fuckers and you left her", she exclaimed.

I told them to put her on the list. I told Plutarch and he said yes. What is going on?

"What is going on here?" Katniss asked still wearing her neck brace after she was attacked by Peeta.

"Oh, the little bird. I was just telling Haymitch how he fucked Effie up. With all of us gone there, they will fucking kill her. She only survived because I annoyed those Peacekeepers so they will beat me instead of her and now there's no one to do that for her. She's good as dead and that's on you", Johanna answered.

"I thought they will bring her here. I told Plutarch to put her on the list. I did before they shipped me to rehab to dry out", he explained. Johanna did not know about the rehab part but she's still furious at him.

"It wasn't your fault", Katniss intervened. "I didn't know Effie is in prison. I swear", she added.

"What are you talking about?" Haymitch asked.

"I didn't put her on the list. They asked me who I want to get rescued and I only put the victors. I didn't know, Haymitch", she answered. Johanna laughed.

"Well, that sealed the deal, Your Highness. Peeta is going to really kill you even without that tracker jacker venom in his veins for throwing Effie to the garbage. You're all dead", she exclaimed.


	5. Chapter 5

It's been days, weeks, since Effie has been in a dark cell by herself. She's been separated from the rest which she's sure are all already dead. The Peacekeepers are enraged that the rebels rescued the victors. Before they dragged her down, she heard gunshots and screams of the other prisoners.

_You don't matter to them. They left you here and they saved the victors but not you because they don't care about you. Your team doesn't care about you. To them, you're still a Capitol. You are a fool for letting them take advantage of you and now you're paying the price of their action!_

The words of the Peacekeepers are finally sinking in her head. It can be true. Why didn't Haymitch come for her? Then she asked herself why he would come for her. He loathes her from the moment they met. He hates the way she dresses, the way she talks. He hates the fact that she's Capitol. It only made sense that she got left behind. She got no place in Thirteen. That's right. She remembered everything she heard on Haymitch's conversation with someone on the phone but she told no one about it. She kept her mouth so she can protect them but who is there left to protect her? Everyone is gone.

More hours passed and she's still curled up on the floor. The Peacekeepers tore her clothes off to humiliate her and whipped her until she passed out. Her throat is dry that it hurts to even swallow. Her mind drifted here and there about the times she's free. Most of her memories are the ones in the train where she's bantering with Haymitch. She can remember the small smirks whenever she beats him or the frowns on his face when she said something that hit his nerve.

The thought of Johanna, Annie, and Peeta being in a safe place somehow eased her pain. The kids are safe at the very least. Effie doesn't care anymore whether they kill her or not. Nothing else matter to her anymore.

"Get up", one of the Peacekeepers yelled but she has no energy to do so.

She felt a hand grabbed her arms and forced her to get up. Her ankle screamed pain when she put a weight on it. One of them stepped on it when they're trying to make Peeta talk for information. She might never wear heels again but then again, she may not be alive to do that so who cares?

They brought her to a room and her eyes found makeup tools on the table. A few moments later, two people came in and started touching her. She doesn't know them but from what she can observed, they are probably Avoxes. One of them is a girl nearly teary-eyed while she's putting makeup on her face. Effie started to wonder how she looked like. She must've looked so hideous. She can see the damp cloth on the side the girl used to wipe the dried blood on her head. Effie cannot count how many times they hit her on her head, her face, her torso…everywhere. The boy assisted her in putting on a nice red dress. She tried to put on the heels but it only made her screamed.

Once she's all setup, the Peacekeepers brought her to another room, a fancy one with large bed but still no view outside. They left her alone in the room. The pitcher of water on the table caught her attention. She almost crawled to it and drank almost all of it in her thirst. The question on what she's doing in that place is lingering in her head but answering it is not in her priority list. Actually, for the first time in her life, she got none of that.

Finally, the door went open and a man in a suit came in. He looked pleased when he looked at her and she's not sure why. He sure ain't look like a Peacekeeper.

"Well, tell President Snow his gift is very much appreciated", the man said to one of the Peacekeeper.

That's when Effie's heart started beating hard in fear again. She got used to torture and the beating but this is different. This is too much. It all happened fast. The guy left after he's done with her and it's unpleasant. Was it painful? It was but not as painful as the whip. That was physically. Emotionally and mentally, it's the worst.

It happened repeatedly. She lost count of the men that came into that room and used her for fun. They all kept saying she's a gift from President Snow for their loyalty. They got to be with the legendary Effie Trinket or what's left of her anyway. She stopped feeling anything. She stopped bothering crying or screaming or thinking. She just lied there like a corpse waiting for it to be over.

They rationed her with foods and drinks to keep her alive so they can keep using her but she stopped eating and drinking anything. There's no reason for her to stay alive anymore. She would rather starve and die than to live one more minute in hell.

The last guy that came was the worst. He hurt her. He put a chain around her neck and dislocated her shoulder. She didn't feel any pain. She's already numb. The more unresponsive she is, the angrier the man got. She's bleeding all over when he left but she's grateful. She wanted to die. Effie closed her eyes and waited for her time to come.

Voices…she can hear voices…she tried moving a muscle but she can't. There are a lot of people talking around her but she cannot make anything they say. She cannot open her eyes. She's trapped in her own body. She drifted into the nightmares to which she's helpless. She cannot wake up from them so she cannot run from them.

Her eyes finally opened and the light hit them hard that she has to take time for them to adjust. A figure is sitting on the couch at the corner. Once her vision got better, she saw Haymitch asleep. Her brain is telling her to go crazy, to go mad for leaving her and for not coming for her but she stayed there, quiet, and calm. She feels nothing about those things. She feels nothing why looking at him.

Haymitch opened his eyes and met her empty ones and chill ran through his spine. He never saw her eyes like that before. He got up and called the doctor outside.

"Hey, princess…how are you doing?" he greeted her. He's not slurring which is new for Effie's ears but she doesn't care.

"Disappointed", she answered.

"I know. I'm sorry we didn't get you sooner", he apologized.

"Not that…I'm disappointed I'm still breathing. I should be dead. You should've let me die", she clarified.


	6. Chapter 6

Effie remained in the hospital for two weeks to recover. She's severely dehydrated and she lost a lot of weight. Her worst injury is her broken ankle. They had to put a cast on it since it was left broken for too long. Not once she spoke while she's recovering. She would answer simple questions but she never gave explanations or talked about random things like she used to. She also barely sleeps. The only time she does is when the doctor put her under sedation.

Haymitch is the one who picked her up at the hospital when she's authorized to leave. He tried talking to her but he only got short responses. Effie has never been cold to him even when she was furious but this is a different Effie he's seeing. She's been through so much and her life just turned upside down. He adjusted his patience.

"Where the hell is she?" Johanna exclaimed after she stormed in the Control Room.

Coin, startled, remained in her chair with Plutarch looking at the young and angry victor.

"She's resting in her quarters", Haymitch answered.

"Oh, very well then. I'll go get her. She must be starving", Johanna said.

It's still a wonder to Haymitch how the untamable Johanna Mason who hates everything that is Capitol became caring about Effie Trinket. Sure, they were imprisoned together and she mentioned she used to take beatings for Effie but he didn't expect for her to actually want to kill him when Effie got left behind in prison. Now, she wants to fetch Effie in her quarters so she can eat.

"I'm afraid that can't happen", Coin intervened.

"What did you say?" Johanna asked in a tone Haymitch recognized.

"Ms. Trinket is still under observation so she shall remain in her quarters until further notice", Coin explained.

"You mean she's from Capitol and you don't trust her so you want to make her your prisoner here as well", Johanna translated her explanation.

Haymitch knows she's right. That's why he's in the Control Room in the first place. He's negotiating with Coin about Effie's freedom.

"This is District Thirteen. We need to take precautions if we want this revolution to succeed", Coin said.

Johanna scoffed.

"Trinket was tortured by the Capitol for siding with your precious Mockingjay. God! She knew about District Thirteen and she didn't say a fucking word about this place when those Peacekeepers were beating the shit out of her and now you wanted to do the same to her just because she's from Capitol? You are no different than Snow then", she said which shut Coin up as well as Plutarch.

Meanwhile, Haymitch stood there in shock. She knew about Thirteen? How? He saw that Johanna is not bluffing about that. She's dead serious. Perhaps, it's one of the reasons why she got taken with Effie.

"This is not final, Ms. Mason. We are still discussing Ms. Trinket's role in the rebellion. This is only temporary and we are not going to beat her for anything", Plutarch tried to pacify the young woman.

"You discuss shit all you want. I'm taking her to the cafeteria. She needs to eat. You want to stop me? Be my guest if you want to see dead soldiers all around", Johanna said and left the room.

They all know they can't stop Johanna because she's one hell of a fighter. Someone is bound to die if they try. They can't lock her up either because she's a victor. The others will turn on them if they do that especially Katniss.

Johanna opened Effie's door and saw the escort sitting by the corner staring at a pink fabric on the table. She didn't seem to know she's there though the door opened a little loud.

"Trinket", Johanna called.

Effie didn't move so she walked towards her and sat next to Effie.

"I used to love this color, the fabric not so much. Now, I looked at it and I can't feel anything", Effie muttered.

Johanna looked at her carefully, remembering what she looked like the last time they saw each other. She did not fail to see how empty her eyes are. She's not the same Effie she saw last in prison. All the optimism is gone from her.

"Well, I never liked your fashion sense anyway so that's okay. Come on, Trinket. I am starving", Johanna said trying to lighten up her mood but Effie didn't smile.

"I don't think I'm allowed to go out, Jo. I tried but the guards won't let me. It's like Capitol prison all over again or that room they put me into", Effie said.

Johanna frowned.

"Room? What room?" she asked.

"It's just a room. No need to talk about that one. You say you're starving? I'm not really hungry but I can go with you if I am allowed to", Effie answered, well, more like evade the question.

Johanna did not press anymore. She knows Effie will only close more if she pressured her into answering.

"You're allowed according to me. Let's go", Johanna said.

Along the hallway, two men blocked their way. They are soldiers of Thirteen. Effie, still expressionless, stopped walking.

"The escort is not allowed to leave her quarters as per President Coin's orders", one of them announced.

"Well, I say she's allowed so what are you going to do about it", Johanna challenged.

The two men stepped towards them but Johanna is faster. She knocked the two men in less than ten minutes. Effie didn't flinch while the fighting happened in front of her. Johanna turned to her and smiled.

"Told you, you're allowed", she said.


	7. Chapter 7

At the cafeteria, everyone turned their heads to Effie as they walked to their table. She and Johanna are joined by Annie and Finnick. Annie launched stories about their plan after the war. She's very optimistic which Effie doesn't share but she listens nevertheless.

Coin has finally lifted her order to confine Effie in her quarters. She barely left though. She liked being inside the room where no one can see her, talk about her, or glare at her. Johanna made it a habit to bring food to her since she is the only one who can take food out of the cafeteria.

Haymitch finally decided to visit her after letting her have some space for a few days. She's still sitting on the same spot staring at the pink fabric.

"Princess, you can't stay here forever. Katniss wanted to see you. Annie and Finnick are worried too", he said.

"Plutarch told me or rather relayed an order from President Coin that I must assist Katniss as Mockingjay so I won't be staying in this room for long. I would like to relish this time of peace before I go out there", she said.

Of course, he is aware of how the people of Thirteen perceive Effie. They've been living underground for so long that a presence of someone from the Capitol, no matter what Plutarch made her wear, make them sick involuntarily.

"Do you not want to help Katniss?" he asked.

Effie looked at him.

"I kept my mouth shut for all of you and you still think I am not capable of helping any of you? Does everyone in this hell hole think that once your born in the Capitol, you're utterly useless?" she asked him back.

Haymitch was taken back by her question. It's cold and harsh but her tone remained somewhat calm. She used to yell whenever she's mad back in the day. A thought came in his mind.

"Johanna mentioned that you knew about Thirteen but you did not say anything to the Peacekeepers. How did you know about this district?" he asked.

Effie turned away from him.

"I heard you on the phone. That day when we were watching the games, I asked about Cinna and you left to make a phone call. It took you so long so I followed you. I heard you talking about some plan and District Thirteen. Then, you left and never came back", she answered like reading something from a book.

She knew. She knew he's up to something that day and she still let him go without asking him anything. He asked himself silently why but he got his answer fast. She expected for him to tell her when he's ready like she always does but he never did.

"I'm sorry", _for everything…_

"I know that", she muttered.

An awkward silence followed that. He didn't know how to talk to her which is odd because he always knows how to talk to her, push her buttons, make her feel better.

"Peeta is doing better", he started again.

That got her attention fast. Suddenly, he realized that no one has informed Effie about Peeta's condition and he just dropped that bomb on her lap without a single warning.

"Peeta? Why? What happened? Isn't he with Katniss?" she fired question after question.

"I think it will be best not to talk about that right now", he tried to take control of the situation but it's too late.

"They did something to him, didn't they?" Effie asked now registering her anger in her eyes. "Where is he? I want to see him", she added.

"That is not a good idea. He's not fully himself and that makes him dangerous", he answered.

Effie only scoffed.

"Do you really think Peeta will hurt me?" she asked like it's a rhetorical question.

"He strangled Katniss and almost break her neck", he snapped but that did not affect Effie at all.

"Well, there's your answer. I am not Katniss. I want to see him right now", she insisted.

Haymitch has to talk to Plutarch for long minutes before they allowed Effie to visit Peeta. Katniss came too. Effie can now understand the bruises on her neck that she did not bother to pay attention to before.

"She'll be fine, Haymitch. I've been there couple of times and he's fine", Johanna said.

"Take a look at Katniss' neck and you'll know he's not fine", Gale intervened which earned him a glare from Johanna.

"Peeta's not going to hurt me. Please, I would like to see him now", Effie pleaded.

Haymitch gave his signal to Boggs and he ushered Effie towards Peeta's room. Effie stopped before entering and turned to Johanna.

"Come with me", she said and Johanna obeyed.

The two girls entered the room and Effie's eyes widened when she saw Peeta on the bed in restraint. He lost a lot of weight and there's dark circles around his eyes which are hollow. She can't help it but gasped in shock which caught Peeta's attention.

"Effie?" he muttered excitedly.

"Oh, my dear Peeta…what have they done to you?" it's not a question for him but she said it anyway.

Haymitch tensed behind the one-way mirror when Effie walked towards Peeta and leaned over to him and pulled him to her arms. Everyone held their breath waiting for the boy to snap but he didn't. Instead, a tear fell from his eyes and soon he began crying.

"It's alright, dear. It's alright. You are fine. Johanna and Annie are fine", she said.

"Are you?" he asked.

"Not yet, sweetie, but I will be", she answered.


	8. Chapter 8

Johanna sat with Effie and Peeta on the bed. She started talking about things she hates about Thirteen while Effie's eyes couldn't help but navigate the restraints on his arms and legs. Peeta listened eagerly at Johanna's ranting, clearly amused by her frustrations. Effie played with the edge of the restraint on his left arm.

"Don't. They don't like that. They said I'm dangerous. I hurt Katniss", Peeta stopped Effie from removing it.

"I don't understand how confining you here is doing you any good. Isn't it enough that they locked you up here? They need to tie you down as well? For the cradle of the rebellion, this place is no different from the Capitol and those horrible prisons and that…room…" she began talking uncontrollably. "It's like rescuing people from prison so they can put them in another prison. What is the point of all this anyway? War, democracy, murder…it's all the same. There will be death everywhere no matter who wins this war. What about the casualties? They attack us and there's death. President Coin attacks the Capitol and there will be death there too but no, no one cares about them, right? They are Capitol. People here want them all dead so badly. Why? Does anyone here really know why? I don't think they do. People here think Capitol to be the center of evil but it's only a place. There are people in there as well, elders, families, children…people whose only fault is they were born in the city and that's it. Do the people in here care about that too? So, what's the difference between Snow and Thirteen? Everyone is the same and we're all just a pawn waiting to be put on the line. Nothing is better. Nothing is better…" she continued until Johanna grabbed her and pulled her into her arms to make her stop.

Effie breathes in and out fast. Peeta can see she's having a panic attack and it's because of the restraints on him. They triggered something in her to which he wondered what. He was taken from prison before Effie so he doesn't know what they did to her. Once she has calmed down, she composed herself and pulled back from Johanna. There is no awkwardness between the three of them. One having a panic attack seemed natural for them and it's no big deal.

"Isn't this familiar? Just like old times…we're only lacking Annie", Johanna muttered.

"Where is she by the way?" Peeta asked.

"Oh, she's cuddling with Finnick somewhere planning things when the war ends or something", she answered.

Peeta smiled at her using a bored tone describing Annie's cuddling time with Finnick.

"Any ideas what we all do when the war ends?" he asked trying to start up something.

"I will march on the Capitol and I will destroy Snow's house. I will probably set it on fire but I will axe couple of stuff first", Johanna answered.

The three laughed. Peeta turned his attention to Effie.

"What about you?" he asked.

Effie sighed.

"I don't know, my dear. I usually got plans and schedules but right now, I am empty. Probably go home but after the war I am not sure if there will anything left of my home to go back to or family for that matter. I can't reside to any of the districts because none will welcome my presence there so I will probably roam around the woods and then, I don't know", Effie answered.

It was only then that everyone realized what the war meant for Effie's life. She's caught in the middle by siding with her team. If Thirteen bombs the Capitol, her home will be destroyed, her family will be killed, and she can never go back there because they will treat her as traitor. Being from Capitol, no districts will welcome her either. She got nowhere to go. She's trapped.

"Screw the woods. You can stay with me. No one will dare touch you in Seven or we can stay with Annie and Finnick at Four. She will be thrilled to have you there but she'll make you decorate her house. I'm sure of that. Loverboy here will surely go back to Twelve so you can come with us", Johanna suggested.

Effie thought about it for a minute. No one really understands her now other than them so it only make sense but she cannot impose or bother them.

"Well, that is a nice thought but let's not get ahead of ourselves. The war isn't over", she said.

Peeta saw the scars all over Effie despite how much she tried to cover them with her alterations on her clothes. One he noticed in particular is the one on her back. The tip is peeking on her left shoulder but he's sure it goes all the way down.

"What did they do to you, Effie?" he finally asked.

Johanna tried to ask her before about what happened when she got left behind in the Capitol but she never answered. Effie looked at Peeta before averting her gaze.

"A lot of things…" she muttered trying to shake it all off from her head but it's difficult since she's seeing flashes now that it has crossed her mind. "…let's leave it with that for now", she continued.

Peeta looked at her with persistence. He wants to know. He probably feels guilty that she got left behind.

"I promise I will tell you everything once the war has ended. I will not leave a single detail out but you have to get better first and get the hell out of here. I don't want to these things around your arms again", Effie said and that's okay with Peeta.

"Alright then…" he muttered.

The visitation hours are over but Effie remembered something before she left the room.

"Oh, by the way, I finally got your letter", she said to him.

"I told you I didn't made that up. It's a good thing you announced the wrong name. It all worked out well", he replied.

"I still wonder if it did work out but everyone is still alive. I'll see you out there", she responded and then left.


	9. Chapter 9

The war did come to an end. Thirteen and other districts prevailed and Snow was defeated but just like Effie said, it all came with casualties. Prim died. Finnick died. A lot of people, elders, children died and not just on the side of the rebellion. Death claimed lives from both sides. Katniss recovered from the burn on her body but not her mind and her heart. She saw it all happened. Haymitch did his best to console her and her mother but he is not very good with the comforting part. Effie did her job just like what she's told to do. She assisted Katniss throughout the propos. She said encouraging words to her and got her dressed for the war. She recreated Cinna's work since she knew Katniss will like it.

For Snow's execution, Effie did her last job which is to gear up Katniss. She insisted to be the one to fire the arrow to end Snow's life and Coin granted it. Of course, Effie knows about the vote between victors. Annie and Peeta informed her about it and gave their apologies in advance. Effie did not mention anything to Katniss or to Haymitch. She kept it shut and did her job.

"Effie", Katniss called her attention while she's putting the Mockingjay pin on her clothes.

"Yes, dear", she responded.

Effie lifted her eyes from the pin to meet Katniss' who is already looking at her. She saw Katniss frowned when their eyes met.

"Are you okay?" Katniss asked.

She never asked her that since they met in Thirteen. She did ask her how she got out of the Capitol or what happened or what's next but not once she did ask her if she's okay. In her mind, she knows it's a little too late but she has to ask. Effie flashed her a smile, the one she recognizes from being with her during that games.

"I'm fine, sweetheart…just fine", she answered.

Haymitch knew Katniss is planning something. That's why he went along with her vote so when she fired that arrow and killed Coin instead of Snow, he's not surprised. The Mockingjay left Snow's execution to the people. He's worried about Katniss and what the new government will do to her but he got worried about Effie as well. She was up there on stage when it all happened and then she was gone. After the trial, Haymitch went to see Plutarch to ask about Effie.

"There is a lot of bigger things to worry about here than Ms. Trinket", he said.

"Yeah…I remembered letting you tell me something like that and Effie ended up being tortured in this place. Where is she?" Haymitch asked.

"Haven't seen her much lately. I believed Paylor offered her a job since she saw how effective she is but Ms. Trinket turned the offer down. I'm not sure why, I personally thinks it's foolish but I don't know her reasons", Plutarch answered.

He wondered why Effie would turn down an offer like that. She likes working and being important.

"Haymitch, I know I haven't been appreciative to Ms. Trinket's efforts and contributions to our cause but after everything I've learned, I want you to know that I will look after her and make sure no harm will come to her as long as she choose to remain here in the Capitol", Plutarch said. Haymitch only nodded.

The day has come for him and Katniss to return to District Twelve. That's the sentence Paylor gave to her. It's not a sentence. Paylor wants to give her a place where she can recover from everything she lost and somewhere she can start again. Haymitch volunteered to go with her since her mother doesn't want to go back to Twelve because it reminds her so much of her youngest daughter.

As they walked towards the hovercraft, he saw a woman in white dress and yellow hair. He knows it's her though he doesn't know why she only show up just now.

"I want to give you a proper goodbye", Effie said to Katniss and hugged her. "Promise me one thing", she said.

"What is that?" Katniss asked.

"Promise that you will do everything to find the life of a Victor", she answered.

As cryptic as that is, Katniss understood and nodded.

"Don't be a stranger", is all Haymitch was able to say to Effie when it's his turn.

He pulled her into an embrace to which she did not refuse and after that he planted a kiss on her cheek then her lips. She did not refuse that as well though she did not say anything for him.

"Take care of her", is all she said and then she let them go.

While they're inside the hovercraft, he suddenly remembered flashes of memories while they were in Thirteen. He remembered how Peeta said it's a good thing Effie announced the wrong name that day. He never had a chance to ask her about that because after that visit Johanna hurried Effie back to her quarters. Things started to get busy after that day and they never got a chance to talk again until she showed up to say goodbye. It's too late to go back. His life is in Twelve now and his mission is to look after Katniss who is broken. He needs to be there to pick up the pieces.

Days go by and he and Katniss found their routine. He remained sober and adopted geese to occupy his time while Katniss found solace in hunting. The nightmares came every night for the both of them but they will woken up by each other's scream from each other's houses.

Peeta came home two months after and he looked better. He gained weight and he's smiling more and more. Of course, he still has his moments but they know how to handle it since they've been there themselves.

"She wants me to give you these", Peeta said to him one day and handed him letters from Effie.

It's a lot of letters that she did not bother mailing. She kept it all with her and waited for Peeta to go home so he can give them to him personally.

"Thanks", he replied but he did not bother reading any of them.


	10. Chapter 10

Effie remained in the Capitol because Peeta needed her or at least, that's what she told Johanna and Annie when they asked her to come with them to Four. She did look after Peeta even though it's hard for her to go to the hospital to accompany Peeta for his session. His doctor suggested that Effie should consider having her own therapy but she knows how to put up a face so she was able to get out of that suggestion.

Due to her contacts, she managed to get herself pills for her nerves to which she soon get addicted to and dependent to that she can no longer function without them. Peeta saw it all but he did not say word. He doesn't know how. He's been through a lot but he still has no idea what she went through when she got left behind. One night, he decided it's time.

"Effie, do you remember what you promised me back in Thirteen? You said you will tell me everything. The war is over. We're fine. I want you to tell me now", he said.

Effie almost froze. She slowly put down her cup of tea to avoid dropping it. The boy is not messing around. He wants to know and she made a promise.

"It's not pretty", she muttered but she told him everything.

Peeta sat there and absorbed everything she said. At one point, he saw her almost cry but she held it back and continued telling the story. After she's done, she finally noticed her palm is bleeding. She's been clenching her fist hard while she recalled those times in hell and her nails dug deep to her skin without her feeling a thing. Peeta saw it too but he didn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry", he muttered.

"Don't apologize for something you have no fault at. It wasn't you", she said and hid her hand from his sight. "Now, I have fulfilled my promise. We should go to bed so we can rest. You have an early train to catch tomorrow", she added.

The thought of Peeta leaving and her being alone had been eating her for a week but she did her best not to show that to him. He recovered pretty well and she doesn't want to undo it. She walked him to the train and helped him with his luggage.

"You can still come with me", Peeta said before boarding.

"In Twelve? Honey, that's the last place anyone would want to see me", she said.

"I want you there. We want you there", Peeta insisted.

Effie bit her tongue. Instead, she pulled a box from her bag and gave it to him.

"Will you give this to Haymitch when you get there?" she asked and Peeta nodded. "I will miss you, Peeta. Take care of yourself and don't forget all the things we talked about", she added and put a kiss on his forehead before walking away.

Her new apartment looked incredibly empty without Peeta in it. She's officially alone now and she made sure of that by cutting everyone out of her life. She disconnected her phone so no one can call her. Effie learned how to drink in bars until she dropped. She wakes up in the middle of the night from the nightmares only to discover she's in someone else's bedroom. That became a routine. It was easier for her just to numb it all out. She finally understood Haymitch's habit of drinking during their time together. She combined all sorts of pills with alcohol and they knocked her out each night.

One morning, she woke up in a new bedroom but she's alone in her bed. She looked down and realized she's wearing a different dress than the one she wore the night before. Her head is splitting in half from hangover but she ignored it and got out of the room.

"Good morning, Ms. Trinket! I was about to have someone wake you up. Let's have some breakfast", Plutarch announced.

Effie frowned. She cannot remember seeing him at the bar last night but to be honest, she doesn't remember anything else.

"Would you remind me what happened?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing happened or at least in what you're thinking right now. I saw you walking along the streets or more like crawling so I picked you up and brought you here to my home", he answered.

It's not news. That happens to her every single time except the men who used to pick her up were not Plutarch.

"Thanks. I need to go home", Effie declined.

Plutarch frowned when she reached for her purse and searched for something.

"It's not there", he said and Effie shot him a look. "I found it and threw it immediately. You don't need that stuff, Effie", he added using her first name.

"That's very kind of you but you're not my father. He died when one of your bomb dropped on our house together with my mother, my two brothers and their entire families", she snapped.

That hit Plutarch real hard. He's aware of the casualties of the attack but hearing it come from Effie who lost her entire family in a snap made it more painful.

"I was just trying to help you", he explained.

"I don't need it", she said and then left.

Effie continued with her routine until one night, she found Johanna sitting in her living room. Her hair is back at its old length before it got shaved.

"So, this is what you've been up to all this time, getting wasted", she muttered.

"Didn't know you were coming", Effie said trying her best not to slur.

"You would've known if you hadn't pulled your phone from the wall", Johanna snapped.

"It's bothering me with all the people calling…the ringing…hurting my ears", Effie explained.

Johanna saw marks on her arm and they were fresh. She smells like a drunk which never happened to Effie Trinket before ever. In just a few months, Effie spiraled down deep and it shocked and scared Johanna. She is already taking care of Annie and her child. She is a mess herself. She has no idea how to handle a former escort turned drunk and addict but she knows someone who might know how.

"Pack your bags, Trinket. I'm getting you out of here", Johanna said.


	11. Chapter 11

Johanna did not left Effie much of a choice. She dragged her to the train with her one suitcase. Her clothes weren't even properly folded because Johanna threw what her hands could grab at the moment in Effie's suitcase and took her so they can catch the last train out of the Capitol.

"You will thank me for this", Johanna said to Effie but Effie is not feeling the need to be polite and proper in front of Johanna.

"I'm sure I will", she replied sarcastically and it made Johanna cringed.

Effie is never sarcastic and impolite. She's always nice. It's like the woman in front of her is a different person, one she doesn't recognize at all.

"I need to go to the bathroom", Effie said and took her purse with her.

"You really need that purse in there?" Johanna asked wondering why she needs to carry her purse with her.

"It's my business, Jo. Stay out of it", Effie snapped and left.

Johanna knows what's in her purse. Effie has been on edge since they left the Capitol. She wanted to storm inside the bathroom and took the bottle from her and threw it away but she already dragged Effie out of her apartment and out of her city. She cannot risk Effie hating her forever by pushing it too far. When Effie came back, she's more relaxed and aloof. She's high but Johanna said nothing.

It took few more hours until Effie finally recognized the direction they're going.

"Are we going to Twelve?" she asked Johanna.

"Yes", she answered briefly like there's no need for an explanation but Effie needed some.

"Why are we going to District Twelve?" Effie asked again.

"…because if I don't take you there, you will kill yourself and I can't live with myself not doing a thing about it", Johanna answered trying to fight off the building tears in her eyes.

That shocked Effie. Johanna never cried even when they were in prison. She's always tough. She's channeling her pain through rage, never through her tears. The only time she saw her tears was when she found out Finnick died. Effie wanted to protest but she still cares for her so she bit her tongue and leaned back.

They finally reached Twelve and Effie is already feeling sick. She is not ready to be there again. Though she's not wearing her wig anymore and her colorful dresses, she still feels the people in the district will recognize her and sure enough, they did, because despite all the glamor being stripped away from her, she still looked privileged to be one of them. Eyes followed them as they walked and it made Effie itched to take another pill and swallowed it down but she can't. She knows Johanna is already upset and she doesn't want her to have a breakdown because of her.

"I cannot go there", Effie muttered.

"You have to. I cannot bring you to Four like this. Annie will be upset and if Annie gets upset, Finn will be upset and I can't have everyone around me to be upset", Johanna said.

"So you're dumping me here?" she asked.

"They will take care of you. I know that. You know that as well", Johanna answered.

The two reached the Victors' Village and all sorts of memories flooded Effie's brain. She really needs that pill or at least a cigarette but she can't. There is no one home at Katniss' and Peeta's houses so Johanna knocked on the third door. Haymitch opened it.

"Jo? I didn't know you're coming. You should've called! Peeta! Katniss! Johanna is here!" Haymitch exclaimed with delight.

"It's not just me", Johanna said and it made him frown.

Haymitch looked at the person behind her who is looking around like something or someone is out to get her.

"Effie?" he muttered.

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts and her eyes met his. Her head is getting light and her heart is ready to break her chest to get out.

"Hi, Haymitch", she replied.

The two looked at each other for a while before Johanna cleared her throat.

"Are you going to let us in or you want us to freeze her to death?" she asked and that broke the staring contest between the two.

Johanna and Effie came in his house and Peeta and Katniss excitedly got up from their seats and welcomed the two with embrace. Johanna accepted though she's uncomfortable with the gesture and Effie welcomed them both.

"You should've called me you're coming. I could've come at the station to help you with your suitcase", Peeta said to Effie.

The boy is so happy. He missed her so much. He always wanted her to come with him to Twelve and now she's there with them. He felt the team is finally complete.

"Oh, sorry about that. My phone is broken so I cannot make a phone call", Effie explained.

"…more like pulled from the wall and broken in half but sure it's broken", Johanna scoffed and that earned her a glare from Effie.

Haymitch just stood there and watched the two. Something is up. He knows how much Johanna wanted Effie to live with them in Four but she brought her in Twelve. Now she's saying Effie pulled her phone from the wall and broke it.

"Maybe we should all sit down. Peeta cooked some food. It's really good", Katniss suggested.

"That's lovely, dear, but first I need to use your bathroom", Effie said and turned to Haymitch. "I believe it's still in the same location?" she asked and he nodded. "Thank you. I will be back in a few", she added and left the room.

Once she's gone, Johanna turned to Haymitch.

"I need your help with Trinket", she said.


	12. Chapter 12

_Dear Haymitch,_

_I know this is the last thing you need, something to read. You don't prefer talking either so I figured this will do for now. I avoided you as much as I can because it hurts, seeing you, talking to you. I don't understand. I was there. I was always there but it felt like you never saw me. Plutarch explained to me that you wanted me to be rescued once you learned I was imprisoned and I know it's not your fault that I wasn't included in the list but it still hurts. I watched you walked out the door that day and you could've taken me with you and I would've come but you didn't. Anyway…that is all in the past now. We all survived and we've won. I know you're sorry and I forgive you. Forgive me for taking so long to find the courage to reach out to you and I hope it's not too late._

_Love, _

_Effie Trinket _

_Dear Haymitch,_

_It's getting harder every day. Peeta is doing his own therapy and I am dealing with my own demons in the least productive way I suppose. I cannot afford to seek help from the doctors. I don't want to go back to hospitals again. Maybe writing to you will help me somehow since you're the only one I trust enough to let inside my head. The entire city hates me. Half of them thinks I am a traitor for siding with the rebels and the other half thinks I am a monster for being a Capitol and an escort. I got no place in between. I cannot tell Peeta that because I do not want to worry the young man. He's sweet. He makes it easier for me to wake up every morning and it scares me that when he leaves, my world will fall apart. I got no one, you know. Everyone is dead. The bomb fell on our house and it killed everyone. My nephew Carlos was there too and it angers me to think that he never had his chance in life. He's sweet and kind. You've met him. Now, he's lost. He's dead just like the rest of them. I cannot sleep. When I'm awake, I am still haunted by memories. I am losing my mind, Haymitch._

_Love, _

_Effie Trinket _

_Dear Haymitch,_

_I'm afraid these letters aren't helping. It's not the same as talking to you. I wanted to talk to you so badly but I can't bring myself to do so. Oh, how I wish for you to ring me once…I will pick up, but I cannot find the strength in me yet to make the first move. Peeta is finally seeing through the cracks of my mask and it frustrates me because I want him to be happy. I don't want to stand between him and his recovery so I am sending him back there. It will break my heart to be alone but I cannot pull him down with me. I already sentenced him to death once and I won't do it again. The boy thanked me for it but it still felt like I betrayed him because I cannot let you die so I am writing this last letter to you to tell you please take care of him. He deserves the world. I know you always favor Katniss over him and I don't blame you for it. You and her are too much alike but Peeta looks up to you. Take care of him please and I am sorry for everything._

_Love, _

_Effie Trinket _

During dinner, everyone is chatting on the table. The atmosphere feels relaxed and everyone is laughing except Haymitch and Effie. She is showing off her escort smile while he has his eyes on her the whole time. He finally read her letters and he cannot get them out of his head anymore. She sentenced Peeta to death because she cannot let him die? What's that mean? Of course, he knows what that means. He already pieced it together from the conversation Effie and Peeta had while they were in Thirteen. _It's a good thing you announced the wrong name. It all worked out well_, he said to her and she didn't deny that.

After dinner, Johanna bid her goodbye. She needs to get back to Four because she told Annie she'll only be gone one night and she didn't pack anything.

"Remember what we talked about. Take care of her because I will kill you if you don't", Johanna said to Haymitch before she left.

They all decided that Effie will stay with Haymitch since Peeta and Katniss are still both dangerous to share a house with. At least with Haymitch, Effie already knows how to handle him after years of working with him. She's cleaning up the dishes when he came to the kitchen.

"Got your letters", he said.

"I know", she said briefly and focused on the plates.

"I read them", he said.

Effie took her time as she rinsed the plates.

"They were meant to be read", she replied.

"So…how exactly did you sentence Peeta to death so you can save me from dying?" he finally asked.

She stopped cleaning the dishes. Her heart is once again pounding in her chest. She did write that but she didn't expect for him to confront her because she never thought she will come to Twelve. Now she's facing the consequence of writing that one down and allowing him to read it.

"Effie?" he called for her attention but she's already panicking.

"Sorry but I need to use your bathroom", she said and walked past him in a hurry and grabbed her purse on the table.

_Trinket is a fucking mess! I called Plutarch because I can't contact her and he told me how he found her crawling on the street after getting herself high and drunk. It turns out, she's doing that ever since Peeta left. She's an addict and I bet my axe that she's popping pills right now in your bathroom._

Haymitch came to his senses and stormed into his bathroom.


	13. Chapter 13

Effie popped two pills and swallowed them without water. She needs to calm herself down or she will pass out. Perhaps she can borrow one of Haymitch's bottles. He got plenty of those lying around. That's one upside of staying with him if he will not kick her out after he finds out what she did. Surely, he already knows but he just wants to hear it from her. That's his thing. Effie popped two more on her palm when the door opened and came Haymitch.

"What are you—"

"Give me that", he muttered and snatched the bottle from her hand.

She dropped the two pills on her palm and he poured the contents of the bottle into the toilet bowl.

"What the hell did you that for? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get that in the Capitol?" she exclaimed after watching her pills got drained in the toilet bowl.

"I am pretty sure they were hard to find and now that you're here, it will be harder. You are no longer going to take those, princess, not in this house and since you're going to live here with me, no more pills for you", he answered.

Effie scoffed.

"Oh, so I cannot have my habit but you can have your alcohol?" she asked.

"Sweetheart, you can search the entire house and you won't find a bottle in here. I quit drinking remember and I held up to that so you will do the same. It's either that or I will check you in rehab inside the hospital which you hate. Your choice", he made her choose.

She cannot believe he's telling her what to do with her own body. The door is wide open and she wants to run but she knows she will not get far because he's faster than her and stronger. He will drag her to hospital and she cannot go there, not again.

"I hate you", she muttered in spite.

"I know you do now but I am doing this for you", he said.

He noticed how her hands shake. He knows the feeling of wanting to feel something amazing but he cannot allow her to destroy herself. He failed her before and he will not do that again. This is his chance to make it up to her even though she hates him.

"You should go take a shower and get ready for bed", he said with a calmer voice.

Once he turned around, Effie tightened her grip on the sink to prevent herself from falling.

"I called out your name", she said and that made him stopped walking. "I picked Peeta's name during the Reaping for the Quarter Quell but I called out your name", she clarified and he turned to face her. "I know you will volunteer for him. You told me about it and I cannot let that happen so I called out your name because I knew Peeta will volunteer in your place to protect Katniss. I sentenced the boy to his death and messed up your deal with Katniss", she added. Haymitch stared at her in shock. He knows that already but it still shocked him to finally hear it. "You sure you still want to help me, Haymitch?" she asked almost challenging him.

She wants him to back out and kick her out of his place so she can go back to the Capitol and resumed killing herself.

"I am sure. Take a shower and get ready for bed. I will get your room ready upstairs", he answered.

She lied for him. She committed a crime against Snow for him. That is why they held her for so long. Of course, Snow knew Effie doesn't know anything about the rebellion. He didn't know that she overheard something. He wanted her punished because she announced the wrong name during Reaping. She altered the result therefore allowing Haymitch to continue planning the rebellion with the others while Katniss and Peeta were inside the arena. Through her, planning the start of the rebellion was a success. They got them out of the arena and they reached Thirteen. It could've been different if Haymitch was the one who was put in there instead of Peeta. The rebellion owed Effie more than they think. Perhaps it was what Plutarch was trying to say to him. _Haymitch, I know I haven't been appreciative to Ms. Trinket's efforts and contributions to our cause but after everything I've learned, I want you to know that I will look after her and make sure no harm will come to her as long as she choose to remain here in the Capitol_, he said. He knew what she did.

She did not sleep that night or the three nights that followed that. She walked around his living room agitated and sick. The withdrawal is kicking in. Haymitch forbid the kids to come to the house until Effie's doing better. He doesn't want them to see her like that and he's sure, she doesn't want that either. Effie did try to leave a few times but each time something will stop her from going back to the Capitol so she will return to Haymitch and continued to do the work.

It took almost three weeks before she got it all out of her system. Effie lost weight due to stress and lack of sleep but she's finally free from the pills. Peeta cooked her favorite food to cheer her up. It made her feel better. None of them spoke about the secret Effie revealed to Haymitch. She stayed inside the house for one more week before she finally stepped outside and walked around the garden.

"So, she sent you to the arena instead of me", Haymitch finally opened it up to Peeta while they were sitting on the porch watching Katniss teaching Effie how to pick flowers.

"Yeah…I think it was meant to be because I wrote her a letter the two nights before the Reaping to make it happen but she never saw it because I mailed it to her apartment in the Capitol. I didn't know she come here early but she found it later. I want her to send me there", Peeta said.

"I know. I think she still feels guilty about it. Snow tortured her for that. I got it now. She committed a crime and she paid the price for that lie", Haymitch said.

"She never deserved that. She cares for you. If I were in her shoes and I need to choose between you and Katniss, I will send you to the arena", Peeta said.

Haymitch chuckled.

"Does Katniss know? I don't know how she will react to that", Haymitch asked and Peeta smiled.

"She knows and she gets it too", he answered.


	14. Chapter 14

Haymitch finally gets Effie to sleep at night but each time, he will wake up to the sound of her screaming. He will get to her room and wake her up from the nightmare. It happened for a week until he insisted for her to sleep in his room so it will be easier for the both of them. She sleeps longer hours, still with nightmares, but his touch calms her every time and she falls back to sleep. The four of them became a family unit of their own. Effie remains quiet than her usual self but she is finally starting small conversations with them and sometimes talking about random stuff she used to talk to before. There were times when she will drift off in the middle of conversation. The others will notice that and they will snap her out of it.

One day, Effie decided to try to go to town to buy a surprise food for the house since Peeta joined Katniss for hunting in the woods. Eyes followed her everywhere but she ignored it the best she can. She has tough skin and she knows that. It will take more than glaring eyes to make her fold. She reached Greasy Sae's diner and she knows how much Haymitch loves her cooking. He told her about that during their time in the Games. Of course, back then Sae cooked rats but now they have enough livestock to cook.

"Good morning, can I have that please and also the chicken?" she ordered at the counter.

Sae recognized her of course. The two already met in Thirteen. She didn't say nice words to her but she didn't say bad words to her as well. They were civil.

"Thank you", Effie said politely when Sae handed her the food.

She remembered her being polite despite being at a bad shape in Thirteen. Sae didn't fail to notice the cuts on her arm but she didn't say anything about it. She watched as Effie walked away and reached the door when two men blocked her way.

"Capitol whore in Twelve…why you here for, huh? You ran out of children to reap in the Capitol?" one of them asked.

Effie remained quiet.

"You can take all those shit off your face but we can still smell you, slut. You're a Capitol slut who's using the victors as shield", the other said.

The first guy walked closer to her and Sae saw Effie flinched. His hand ran at the back of her neck and sniffed her. Of course, Effie smells lot better than the rest of them. She knows how to take care of herself.

"I can see why Abernathy keeps you in his bed. He ain't always gonna be there, you know…when that comes, we can play", he whispered to her ears but Sae didn't hear that.

"Do we have a problem over there?" Sae yelled from the counter and two boys distanced themselves from Effie. "Let the woman pass or I will whip your asses", she added and Effie walked as fast as she can away from her diner.

Effie remained quiet the entire day. Katniss and Peeta praised her move on going to town. They think it's a bold one and a progress for her. Haymitch, on the other hand, can sense that something is bothering her. It's like she took two steps backward after she set foot outside of the village. All she ever uttered throughout the meal is thank you.

He decided to get to Sae's diner to find out what happened. Effie will not tell him. He's sure of that because she wants to appear tough.

"Oh, Trinket just bought you food. That ain't enough?" she asked.

"I'm not here for that. She was quiet after she came here. What happened?" he asked her back.

"Hey, I didn't say anything bad to your girl if that's what you came here for", she said in her defense.

He shook off her term 'your girl' and get to his point.

"I know it wasn't you. Look, she's doing great. She's finally opening up and talking and after she came back from town, she's quiet again and spacing out so what happened?' he asked.

Sae sighed and told him what she saw earlier. He clenched his fists in anger. This is his district and his people are bothering and threatening the woman he cares about.

"Where are they?" he asked Sae.

"Oh, you're not touching those boys, Abernathy. They are fools. That's what they are. You cannot blame them for how they view the Capitol and its people the same way we cannot blame Trinket. I will do my best to keep them at bay but you will not touch them", she said.

He so wants to beat the shit out of them for insulting and threatening Effie. She's doing well. She's helping and off the pills. She is having less nightmares too. He's afraid, everything they did, all the work they've done will be undone because of what happened.

"Eff! I'm back! I got those movies you asked me to!" he called when he got home but she's not answering.

He put down the tapes on the table and waited to hear her footsteps upstairs but he heard none. He began to worry.

"Effie?" he called again but still nothing.

He peeked at his window and saw Peeta and Katniss in their living room watching something on TV while eating some bread. It's just the two of them and no Effie.

"Effie!" he yelled and then ran upstairs.

The bedroom is empty. He checked the guestroom as well and she's not there either. He knows how much Effie hates when he came in the bathroom while she's in there but he doesn't care. He's worried and she's not answering so he reached for the knob and turned but it's locked. She never locked the bathroom door before.

"Effie, open the door", he said but all he can hear is the water running. "Effie Trinket, open the goddamn door!" he yelled and banged on the door but still nothing so he kicked the door down.

There he saw Effie in the bathtub…under the water.

"Effie!" he exclaimed.

Haymitch almost slipped on the floor as he leaped to get to her and got her out of the tub. He barely remembered how to do CPR but his little skill worked and Effie began coughing water out of her chest.

"Oh…for the love of Panem, Effie…" he muttered in relief.


	15. Chapter 15

Effie sat in the living room as Haymitch, Peeta and Katniss discussed what happened outside of the house.

"Did she tell you who those pricks were? I will shoot them in the eye", Katniss asked.

"No. You know Sae wouldn't like that. Believe me, I want to beat those bastards but I can't worry about them now. I just pulled Effie out of my bathtub. She wasn't breathing and I am sure few seconds late, she will be dead", he answered.

Peeta looked at Effie inside the house. She's staring into an empty space while holding a cup of tea Haymitch made her.

"We'll talk to the people. No one will come to her again. I promise", he said.

Haymitch met the boy's eyes and he knows he's serious with his promise. He cares so much about Effie and he will do anything to protect her.

"Thank you", he replied.

Haymitch locked the door when the kids returned to their home. Effie is still on the same spot in the living room and her cup of tea is already cold. He sat beside her and waited.

"I'm sorry", she muttered.

"Just please don't tell me it's an accident because we both know that's bullshit", he said in a harsher tone than he intended.

He's just frustrated and scared. He almost lost her in his own home. He's on edge.

"Everything they said were true. I am a monster. I have no right to be here. I reaped tons of children in this place, their children, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters. I killed them", she said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Stop saying that!" he shouted and it made her flinched. "It wasn't your fault. You were doing as you're told. You're just like all of us, Snow's pawns to his games and you did your best. You took care of those children despite the fact that they'll be dead for sure. You fought for them and searched for Sponsors. God knows the things you did for those Sponsors but you did anyway for them. If you're a monster, you will never care and yet here you are with us. You lost everything for us", he added.

That broke her damn and the tears ran down freely from her eyes down to her cheeks. She's broken, hurt, guilty and unwelcomed. Those are not the traits of Effie Trinket. It pains him to see what has become of his escort after the war. She almost lost all of herself except for her heart.

"I am not going crazy, am I?" she asked.

"No. You're not going crazy, princess, but you are driving me one if you pulled another stunt like this again. I can't take it. I can't see you like that again. Don't do that to me ever again", he answered.

Effie nodded and let him pulled her into his arms. She dozed off quickly so he carried her to his bed to make her feel comfortable. He watched her sleep peacefully that night being unable to sleep himself because he knows he will dream about her in the bathtub lifeless. He wants to see her face with color and body breathing air.

The next day, Peeta and Katniss did what they promised. They talked to everyone they know and spread the word about Effie. They got enough power to convince people that Effie is not a bad guy and for those who aren't convinced, well, they got enough power to scare them to stay away from her.

No one talked about that incident in the bathtub again. They don't want risking Effie to be embarrassed by it but they told Johanna when she called one time. She freaked out as expected and almost rushed to Twelve but they assured her that Effie is fine now. Sae made it a point to bring some food at the village just to prevent Effie from going to her diner herself. Aside from the fact that she worries some people will try to intimidate her again, she also worries that Haymitch might kill some people in Twelve if they bother her again.

"This is delicious, Sae. Thank you", Effie said with a smile on her face but it faded quickly.

"Oh, I know how much Abernathy eats. I don't want him to keep bothering the boy with the cooking", Sae alibi which Effie seems to buy.

Sae watched her put the food in the container. Her focus seems to be elsewhere but it's amazing how she doesn't spill anything on the table. Once she's done, Effie washed the Sae's container and handed it back.

"You okay, Trinket?" she finally asked.

Effie's smile dropped but she quickly replaced it with her escort smile.

"I'm doing better. Thank you for asking", she answered like she's in Caesar's interview.

"Drop the Capitol manners for a while and be real with me. Haymitch and the kids will not have the stomach to press you with anything because they're afraid to hurt your feelings but I ain't them. So tell me the truth, girl", Sae snapped.

Effie dropped her fake smile and turned serious.

"I don't feel fine. I don't feel happy. I don't feel safe. I feel scared all the time. Everything scares me. Back in the day, I was so fearless. I can face President Snow and never blink an eye but now, even Haymitch sitting next to me scares me so the answer to your question is no, I am not okay. I feel like I'm about to fall off a cliff every single day and I cannot show it to anyone because I don't want to worry them", Effie answered.

Sae seemed satisfy to get that out of her chest. She knows the girl is scared. She's just good at hiding it in front of others. Effie spent years being an escort so she's good at putting a show.

"You heard that boy?" Sae asked and it made Effie frowned.

"I heard that", Haymitch answered from behind the door revealing himself to Effie. "Thank you, Sae", he said and Sae left.

"What are you doing, Haymitch?" Effie asked slowly getting angry.

"I need to know how you truly feel, princess and I know you will not tell me exactly how you feel so I got Sae to get it out of you. I think now is time to really talk about everything", he answered.


	16. Chapter 16

_That room is all I see when I close my eyes. I can still see their faces above me while they laughed. They called me names. They did things to me and I got no power to even lift a finger. I was theirs and I had no say in the matter. Back in the Capitol, the alcohol and the pills helped to keep them out of my head. I stopped seeing them when I was high so I kept it like that. It was easier I felt free from all those horrible times of my life and when it wears off, I would get high again just to forget even it's just for a little while. Now, I can't do that. I am grateful for the help and I understand why you did that. I understand why Johanna brought me here. No one is forcing me to stay sober and clean now but I do it for you and the kids. It's just hard most of the times because I feel so exposed. I cannot shield myself away from them and their laughs, their insults, their faces…everything. I am scared that they will show up one day and take me back to that room and I will never going to get out again._

Haymitch longed for the bottle. He knew a lot of terrible things happened to Effie in the Capitol when she got left behind but he didn't expect it to be like that. He thought it's all physical. Peacekeepers beating or torturing her was the one who came to his mind but not that room and what they did to her in that room. Snow used her as a reward for those who remained loyal to him knowing how men in the Capitol desired Effie. It's worse than torture and the whip. He finally understood why she always tensed when someone get close to her even it's them. She always flinches when he touches her or Katniss or Peeta. It's not because of them but because of what happened to her. It made her scared of the world when the old Effie used to see beauty in it.

His blood is boiling but at the same time he saw how it helped Effie to tell it out loud. She's been keeping it inside for quite some time. She told Peeta before but she didn't tell him all the gory details. She couldn't bring herself to do that to the boy but she fully trusts Haymitch and knew he can handle it so she unloaded all to him. It doesn't matter now if he's the one having trouble with his emotions. Effie is the most important thing to him now. He wants her to feel better and feel safe with him.

"Aren't you going to sleep?" she asked while lying on the bed.

"I thought you're already sleeping", he muttered.

"I was but I felt alone and I opened my eyes I saw you there", she explained.

Haymitch smiled a little and climbed to bed. Effie didn't flinch this time. She welcomed his arm as he put it around her for comfort. It's their usual position when they sleep.

"No one is going to hurt you anymore, princess. I promise", he whispered to her ear.

"I know that. That's why I want you to sleep here with me", she said and smiled.

It made him happy when he saw that smile. It wasn't forced or fake. It's her genuine smile, the one he's been longing to see for a long time.

The following days have been better. Effie became more open and has been spending a lot of time outside the house though not outside the village. She's been into gardening and renovating their houses. Effie grew fond of his geese and insisted sometimes to feed them herself. At night, she will comfort herself with Haymitch's books to take her mind off things since night is when she's most scared. They cuddled up with each other until they both fell asleep and they wake up in each other's arms in the morning. All is going well but Effie is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Since her previous life has been shattered by the games and the rebellion and the war, she learned not to settle with what's going on around her. She taught herself that nothing lasts forever. If her life in the Capitol didn't last, if President Snow didn't last, then certainly what she's having right now will not last. She holds back at most everything. When she's being too happy, she holds herself back. She doesn't want to be disappointed in the end. She already knows how much that hurts and she knows how much that cost her before. So when Haymitch snuck up behind her while she was in the kitchen preparing tea to surprise her with flowers he picked from the woods, Effie flinched and stepped back from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She wants to tell him what she's thinking but she knows it will only upset him and then worry him.

"You startled me. That's all. I'm sorry", she answered.

He bought that. He snuck up on her in the first place so she has every right to be startled. He walked towards her and put his arms around her to comfort her but he felt her tensed in his arms which never happened before. She always relaxed when he hugged her. Something is off. Haymitch pulled back.

"Okay, tell me and be honest. I don't want to drag Sae here to know the truth", he insisted.

"Things are fine. I swear. It's just that sometimes I don't want to get involved too much with everything so it will not hurt a lot when they all got taken away from me", she revealed.

She expected for him to retaliate, yell, make snappy comments, or find what she said ridiculous but he did none of that. He just nodded.

"Waiting for the other shoe to drop, princess?" he asked with a small smile and she nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I've been doing that since I won my game. It's a hard habit to shake when things are going pretty well and you cannot believe you've got this far to experience it, you just suddenly wait for something bad to happen because you're used to things going wrong. I understand that. Why do you think I made you angry when you're being nice to me back then? You were making me feel good and I pushed you away because I was waiting for something wrong to happen. You don't have to be ashamed to tell me that, princess", he said.

Effie sighed in relief. Of course, he understands. He has lived a much troublesome life than she has. He knows.

"Yeah, you really nailed the description of it", she muttered and looked at the flowers in his hand. "Is that for me?" she asked and he handed it over. "Guess, I should wait for flowers to drop then", she teased and then they both laughed.


	17. Chapter 17

After a month, Haymitch started bringing Effie out of the village. At first, tons of disgusted eyes followed them. Some people turned away from Effie and pulled their children out of her way. Of course, it bothered her but Haymitch's hand holding hers kept reminding her that she's not alone so she keeps on going. Effie finally was able to go shopping for clothes. It's not the same as the ones she used to wear but she learned to modify them to her liking and Haymitch approved of it. After a while, she began exploring the district by herself. She often visits Sae's diner and Peeta's bakery. She even goes to the library to get Haymitch some books to read.

It takes two months for people of Twelve to warm up to Effie. They finally saw her as a human being. They saw her got hurt when some would shout insulting names at her. They saw her laughed when Haymitch tells her a joke. They saw her got happy when she saw a stray dog for the first time. Soon, the people stopped turning away from her. They stopped pulling their children out of her way and she's finally allowed to interact with the kids. Effie started buying fabric from the shop and making clothes for the kids of Twelve for free. Then, she began making clothes for people as gifts whenever there's someone celebrating their birthdays. Effie cannot hear anyone calling her names anymore. When she walked down the streets, she's greeted by smiles and nods by the district's people.

One morning, Effie went to Sae's diner to get some food for lunch. Peeta wanted to cook something but he has a fever so Effie volunteered to buy some. She and Sae were talking about a girl who will turn twelve that week and asking if Effie can make a dress for her birthday to which Effie was delighted.

"Of course! Is it possible to talk to her? I would like to know her favorite color and what kind of dress she likes to wear", she asked Sae.

"Oh, you don't need to ask permission anymore to speak to anyone here, Trinket. They all know you and they know you wouldn't harm a bug so feel free to approach her. Daisy will take you this afternoon to her house", Sae answered.

Daisy came to them at the counter.

"Sae, there is a businessman here saying he's an investor and wanted to talk to business owners about a proposal for expansion", she informed them.

Effie's eyes widened in excitement. She likes the idea of Sae's diner going big because she really does cook amazing food.

"I don't know about that but let me talk to him", Sae said.

Daisy left them for a moment to get the investor.

"Oh, Sae…this is so exciting. You should really think about this", Effie said excitedly.

"I know. I know. Just hold your horses, Trinket", she replied.

Daisy returned with the investor.

"You must be Sae. It's a pleasure to finally meet you", the man greeted.

Effie turned around to give her greetings when she stopped before she can utter any words. Her eyes glued to his face instantly. Her hand found the counter for support which won't stop shaking. Her throat suddenly went dry and she cannot move a muscle.

"Effie Trinket…I believe you are the Effie Trinket. I didn't expect to see you here in Twelve but new government means freedom", the man said to her.

The others expected her to return the greetings but nothing came out of her which worried Sae. She's always polite. Always.

"Effie?" Daisy called her attention.

"I should…get this to the village", Effie muttered and then grabbed the food and bolted.

_It can't be him_, she thought. She walked fast back to the village that she didn't hear Katniss calling her name when she passed her. She's so preoccupied by her thoughts that all she wanted to do is get home and hide. She shut the door quickly when she got back and put the food on the table. Haymitch is at the back feeding the geese when he heard Effie's footsteps pacing fast upstairs.

"Eff?" he called but she didn't answer.

He followed her upstairs and found her in _their_ bedroom. She's sitting on the floor by the corner with her head buried on her knees.

"What happened?" he asked.

She is shaking. He can see her hands shaking. Hell, her entire body is shaking.

"Tell me, Eff. What happened? Did any of those guys bothered you again?" he asked again.

They talked to the people already. They already welcomed her to their home. What's going on now?

"Goddamn it, Eff! Talk to me!" he yelled and it snapped her out of her thoughts.

She looked up to him and he saw her frightened eyes. Her face is already drained of color. She looked as pale as a paper.

"He's here. I don't know how. I don't know why but he's here. He's here, Haymitch. He's here. I have to go. I have to run. I don't know where. I don't know where to go. I don't know where to hide!" she answered in panic.

He immediately went to her and tried to calm her down because she's starting to have a panic attack.

"Take it slow. Who's here, Eff? Who are you talking about?" he asked in a calmer voice.

Effie took deep breaths until her breathing went normal. She can see his face in her head and she knows he's in town. She's just in the same town as he is. She cannot tell Haymitch because she knows what he will do. She knows him too well.

"…just someone. I am sorry I panicked. He's just someone I knew from the Capitol. I just panicked because it's been a while since I last saw people from the Capitol. It's nothing", she lied while she traced the scar on her left wrist unconsciously, the scar of the handcuffed that was used on her before.

Haymitch did not fail to see that. He knows about that scar. She told him. She told him how she got that.

"Where the fuck is he?" he asked in a dangerous tone.


	18. Chapter 18

Katniss and Peeta were alarmed and forced to get out of their house when they heard Haymitch and Effie yelling outside. They saw them in the middle of the compound struggling with each other.

"Please! Just stay here!" Effie yelled while trying not to lose her grip on his arm.

"Let go, Effie!" he yelled back trying to yank his arm away from her.

Katniss instinctively jumped in without asking what's happening when she saw him holding a knife on the other hand. She helped Effie to pull him back to his house while Peeta is still confused at what's happening.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I said let go! I need to kill that bastard!" Haymitch exclaimed and that caught Peeta's attention. He finally saw the knife in his hand.

They played the tug of war for a couple of minutes when Katniss lost her grip on his arm and Haymitch overpowered Effie. As he pulled his arm back, Effie lost her balance and fell on the ground hitting her head on a rock.

"I told you to let go, Eff", Haymitch said without realizing what just happened.

Effie tried to get herself up but her vision is spinning. Peeta went to help her but halted when he saw the red liquid flowing from her head to her face.

"Effie, you're bleeding", he muttered out loud and that stopped Haymitch from whatever he's thinking.

He adjusted his vision and saw that her head is bleeding. Katniss kneeled next to her and assessed the cut as well.

"It's pretty deep. I'm taking you to the hospital", she said and that's when Effie went hysterical.

"No! I am not going back there! Don't take me there! Please, don't take me there! Please!" Effie exclaimed.

Peeta backed off unable to process what to do next while Katniss doesn't know how to handle her. Haymitch dropped his knife and wrapped his arms around her to stop her from hurting herself further.

"It's okay. It's okay. No one is taking you to the hospital. You're okay, princess. We're going home", he said and it worked.

Effie slowly calmed down though fear is still in her eyes. She's scared to death to go to the hospital.

"Take me home, please, Haymitch", she pleaded and he nodded.

Haymitch carried her into his arms and took her to his house. Katniss ran to Sae and Daisy for help. She knows very little about treating people. It's Prim's forte but she's not around to ask for help. Peeta helped with setting Effie down the couch and then he went to get water and clean towel to clean the cut while waiting for Katniss and Sae.

"What the hell happened, Haymitch? Why were you two fighting outside in the first place?" Peeta asked.

He knows Haymitch wanted to kill someone but he still doesn't know who.

"We are not fighting. She saw someone in town and I want to kill him but she won't let me", Haymitch answered while removing Effie's shoes.

"Who?" Peeta asked again.

"That guy who hurt her in that room", he answered briefly and Peeta got it right away.

Haymitch knew that Effie told Peeta about that room. She didn't tell it in a detailed way unlike how she did with him but Peeta knows.

"He's here in Twelve?" Peeta asked in shock.

"Yeah…sent Effie running back here. I found her in our room at the corner shaking in fear. She's having a panic attack. What am I supposed to do? That bastard hurt her! Then he came here in our district? I cannot let him be in the same space as Effie", Haymitch answered in rage.

He then felt Effie's hand on his arm. She's conscious again but still weak and lightheaded.

"Please, don't…" she pleaded in her weak voice.

She knows he wants to do it for her but she doesn't want him to get his hands dirty because of her. He's been through so much and killing took a huge toll on him. He doesn't need another name on his list.

"Fine. I won't kill the bastard because you ask but if he comes anywhere near you, I'm gutting him", Haymitch said and that's good enough for her.

Sae and Katniss arrived with the first aid kit. It stings but Effie took a lot more worse injuries than that and it showed. Before she would scream on a small cut but things changed. She's tougher now than she used to be. After Sae cleaned up her cut and made a clean stitch on her head, she ordered Katniss and Peeta to get the herbs she needed for the pain since she cannot take any pain reliever.

"The girl told me it was an accident. Mind telling me why she's stopping you from gutting someone?" Sae asked Haymitch when he walked her out of the house.

"Someone arrived in town. He's someone who hurt her during her time as prisoner in the Capitol. I got so angry especially when I saw how scared she was. I couldn't help myself. I didn't mean to hurt her", he answered.

Sae put her hand on his shoulder.

"I know. No one is blaming you. As per the man you're talking about, his name is Felix Garth. He's an investor from the Capitol. He came to Twelve looking for businesses to expand and invest in. I already said no and after I talk to some people, he won't get any yes from this place and he'll leave soon", she said.

Haymitch smiled at her.

"Thank you, Sae. I appreciate it", he replied.


	19. Chapter 19

Effie kept having nightmare about Felix for days after the accident. She never told Haymitch about it when he asks her about her nightmares but he knows. He knows because she would scream stop and please don't each night. Sae did her part and talk to the others not to say yes to Felix's proposal. A week has gone by and they have no news if he already left town but Katniss guessed that he already did since he did not get any business deals in Twelve.

"Plutarch called this morning. He's got some news", Peeta said when he and Katniss came over in the morning.

Haymitch carried on with his book while Effie waited on the news as she put the cups of coffee on the table.

"There will be another Hunger Games", Peeta revealed.

Effie stopped moving while Haymitch dropped his book to his lap. Katniss looked at him with guilty eyes and he already knows what's going to happen next. Effie straightened herself up and looked at the kids.

"I don't understand. I thought the whole thing about the rebellion is to stop the games", she said.

It's why she sided with her victors because she found the games to be heartless and cruel and she wanted it to end.

"It's going to be different, Effie", Peeta said.

"Different how?" she asked.

"…because the tributes will come from the Capitol, those who were part of the games with the exception of Plutarch since he volunteered for the job to enact the rebellion", he answered.

Time stopped. Of course, Haymitch and Katniss already know that but Effie doesn't. She set the tray gently on the counter and turned around to go clean the kitchen sink without saying a word.

"There will be Reaping two weeks from now and it will be broadcasted live from the Capitol", Katniss added.

Effie continued with scrubbing the already cleaned sink just to keep her mind from going someplace dark. They watched her as she does until she bumped the water glass next to her and it shattered on the floor.

"Eff, don't move. I got—"

Haymitch is too late because she already took a step and she stepped on a broken glass. Effie pulled the glass from her foot without blinking an eye.

"We got to clean that up", he said to her.

"I got it. I clean this. It doesn't even hurt", Effie said and began hopping on the floor.

They all stared at each other with wide eyes. They know that it must hurt but Effie looked at it like she just stepped on a piece of gum and it didn't pierce her skin.

"You know what this means, right?" Peeta asked Haymitch.

"We cannot be sure that her name will be picked", he answered.

"Oh, come on Haymitch! Are you seriously that naïve when it comes to the games? They will draw from different ranks of the officials of the games. Do you know any other escorts alive and breathing to this day other than Effie?" Peeta exclaimed unable to hold his emotions in check.

He cares too much for Effie. She took care of him when he stayed in the Capitol for his therapy and she continue to take care of him now. The thought of Effie inside the arena after everything she went through is unimaginable.

"Peeta, he's just trying to be optimistic", Katniss intervened but the boy is just plain furious.

"Yeah, he's never been optimistic and he shouldn't be right now. It's both on you why this is happening in the first place", Peeta snapped and left the house.

Katniss and Haymitch are left alone in the kitchen. His voice is ringing inside their ears. It is their fault. He's talking about the vote they made in the Capitol. It was Coin's idea to conduct another game and they voted yes. Well, Katniss only humored her because she's going to kill her and Haymitch knew that. They did not know that her plan will be put into action once she's dead.

"I should go check on Effie upstairs", he muttered.

"Yeah, I'll check on Peeta", she replied and both gone their separate ways.

He found Effie cleaning up her foot in their bedroom. She's nearly done when Haymitch took over. She did not protest or decline anymore like she did earlier. She let him wrap the bandage around her foot.

"Still feel nothing?" he asked.

"Yes. It's odd but I don't feel it sting", she answered.

She's too shocked about the news and her own heart pounding in her chest is much more painful than her wounded foot.

"It's the adrenaline. It's not unnatural", he explained.

That made sense too, she thought. Haymitch finished with the bandage but did not get up from the floor. He just sat there and looked up to Effie who is already looking at his eyes.

"I am going to the arena and I don't think I can make it out alive", she muttered.

"Stop. I will find a way. You are not going in that arena and you're not going to die", he cut her off.

"Haymitch, I'm the last living escort. Fulvia is not going in. The government adores her. It's not up to you anymore. You've done your part", she said.

Haymitch stiffened.

"Yes, I know about the vote you and Katniss made that day. Johanna voted the same way too. I've known right after that meeting and it's fine. I understand", she explained.

"Eff, it's not what you think. Katniss and I only voted that way because the girl was planning to kill Coin. It's her way of throwing her off her plan", he explained but Effie returned a smile.

"I know that too once she fired that arrow. I am not dumb, Haymitch. I thought you knew that. Now, we have two weeks before they take me so we must make the most out of it", she replied.


	20. Chapter 20

Haymitch spent the entire day on the phone calling everyone he knows. He's serious when he said he will find a way to get Effie out of the games but every effort ends in vain. There's no way out for her because she's the last living escort in Panem. People will notice if she's not part of the games. There will be accusation of favoritism and unfairness and it will cause chaos. Plutarch had a hard time talking to Paylor about the games but even he cannot stop it. The entire cabinet members wanted Coin's idea of the game but not reaping any tributes from the Capitol's children. They got handful of prisoners from the former officials of the games and Snow's loyalists and they cannot execute them all so they plan on bringing them in the arena as form of punishment and their death sentence.

Effie, on the other hand, proceeded with her routine. She bought nice fabric from the shop to make the dress for the young girl's birthday. She will not let the games ruin the girl's celebration.

"Here you go", she said to the girl whose name is Florence.

"This is so beautiful…you made this?" she asked in disbelief.

"I know. People always discredit my talent for sewing and design but yes dear, I made it", she answered and the girl smiled from ear to ear. "Now, I will send to you a couple of clothes for your mother and two sisters by tomorrow. I am still working on them. Please do hang the dress carefully as the fabric is a little fragile", she instructed and young Florence nodded.

After that she dropped by at Sae's to pick up food for the house. She can feel eyes following her not for the reason when she first got in the diner, but they must seen the announcement of the games on the TV.

"How are you holding up, Trinket?" Sae asked.

"As well as can be expected", she lied and forced a smile. "I gave Florence her dress earlier and I will be delivering the other clothes tomorrow for her family", she added.

"That's not what I'm talking about", Sae snapped.

Effie maintained the smile on her face the way she always does.

"I keep breathing. It's the least I can do because I may not be for long", she answered vaguely and that saddened the older woman. "Thank you for the food", Effie said and then left.

When she got home, she heard Haymitch yelling at someone on the phone. He didn't hear her come in so he kept on going.

"What do you mean it's not important? It's Effie Fucking Trinket we're talking about! Without her, your revolution would've died! She turned her back on her people to join us and you want to send her to the arena!" he yelled and it's making Effie's ears hurt.

She doesn't like people raising their voice even before the war. It's impolite and rude. She purposely put down the bag on the table loudly to get his attention which worked because he stopped yelling.

"I will call your boss later", he said on the phone and then hang it up. "Everything went well with Florence?" he asked.

"Yes. She loved it", she answered but without her smile. "You should stop harassing people on the phone, Haymitch. You're not going to change their minds", she added.

He frowned and chose to ignore what she said. She might have given up but he will not give up on her. He lost her few times, not again.

"I think everyone knows about the games. They were all looking at me like a fragile doll. I hate it when people do that. Few months ago, they hated me and now they pitied me. It's funny sometimes", she muttered while transferring the foods to the containers.

"What is funny?" he asked.

"How the thought of death can change how people look at you…some of them still don't like me to this day but because they know I will die soon, the hate suddenly vanished and got replaced with pity", she answered and that broke his meter.

"WILL YOU STOP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE?" he yelled and that made her dropped the container on the floor.

The food scattered all over the kitchen floor but none of them moved.

"I am working my ass off here to make sure you're not going to die but I can't have you talking like it's the end when it's not. I am not going to lose you, Effie. I can't lose you. I won't allow it", he continued.

"Why?" she asked.

"What do you mean why?" he asked her back.

"Why can't you lose me?" she clarified.

The question took him by surprise. He's not the one that's good with words. That's Peeta's forte.

"…because I can't. I care too much. You're…you're important to me, Eff, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Damn it…you have no idea what it felt like when they told me you were captured by Snow. Those days when you were there alone and the others were safe, I kept wishing that it should've been me in there and not you. When they brought you back and I saw you for the first time and the result of what they did, I smashed everything in my quarters. I was so angry at myself for not being able to protect you. You're physically fine now but I can still the invisible scars in you and I see it every night when you scream from your nightmares. You're not just my escort, Eff. You're not just an old friend to me. You're the most important person in my life and if I lose you, I don't think I can take it. I will not survive that, Eff. It will kill me. I know it will", he answered.

Effie, stunned, walked to him and put her hand on his face. She only saw him once breakdown in front of her and that's during the time he got so drunk and started venting out about his family and his girl. Now, he's opened up about her. She never thought of him or how her death will mean for him before. She always thinks he will carry on with the kids but now she's proven wrong.

"I'm sorry. I won't talk like that again", she apologized and he accepted pulling her in an embrace.


	21. Chapter 21

_You're the most important person in my life and if I lose you, I don't think I can take it. I will not survive that, Eff. It will kill me. I know it will._

Effie repeated that again and again in her head. She contemplated ending her life way too many times. She even went ahead and tried it. She just now realized what it would do to Haymitch. He lost his entire family before including the woman he loved and there she is trying to take herself away from him. She cannot do that to him not after everything he did for her. Despite her anger for being left behind and for all the things she endured, she cares about him. She loves him. The realization might be too late. She knows she will be sent to the arena and that her fate is sealed. She is no fighter. She can take a beating but she doesn't know how to fight.

Effie stopped sleeping again. She can't bring herself to sleep. She spent nights just watching Haymitch sleep next to her. It can be her only chance to see his face at peace. He didn't notice that, of course, but Peeta did. He knows her too well. He knows when she's staying up all night even though she uses tons of concealer to hide the dark circles around her eyes.

"He's been calling everyone", he said to Effie when they were left alone in the kitchen.

"I know", she said.

"I don't think we can pull that big of a string", he said.

Effie stopped cutting the tomato.

"That's all right, Peeta. It's an impossible string to pull anyway", she replied with a small smile on her face.

Peeta cannot return her smile. He's heartbroken by the turn of events. He finally got his team, his family, with him in Twelve and now Effie will be taken away from them right after she managed to overcome her demons.

"Haymitch is not in a good place right now. Would you be a dear and look after him when…I'm gone?" she asked.

The boy stiffened but he nodded.

There are only three days left before the Reaping and Haymitch kept on dwelling himself into finding ways to get Effie out of the games. Effie couldn't bear to look at him getting frustrated over her so she decided to get out of the house so she can breathe some fresh air. She then decided to walk in the woods. It's not her scene and it makes her feel uncomfortable but since it might be her environment when she goes to the arena, it's probably time to explore it a bit.

"District Twelve really did change you, Ms. Trinket", someone said from behind her as she takes a stroll.

She stopped and turned around.

"They said you're gone", she muttered.

"They might say that but I stick around hoping I will catch a word with you", Felix said with a smile that is making her sick.

"I don't want to talk to you. Please, leave", she said maintaining her politeness.

It made him laughed. Of course, Effie Trinket is always polite.

"It's just here. You can choose to run but why would you? I am here to make your life easier", he said.

Effie scoffed and dropped her manners.

"…like the time you put a chain around my neck and almost slit my wrist with your handcuff?" she asked.

Felix's smile dropped and he's now serious. It's the face she remembers well. He never smiled that day. He was angry.

"In three days, your name will be drawn in a bowl and you will die in the arena. We both know that. I came here to offer you a deal. I can make your name disappear in that bowl", he proposed.

Effie frowned. She knows the deal is not for her. The price will be too high to pay. _You're the most important person in my life and if I lose you, I don't think I can take it. I will not survive that, Eff. It will kill me_. I know it will. His words rang in her head again. He will be broken if she dies. She doesn't want him to be broken. In that moment, she did consider humoring Felix.

"What's the catch?" she asked.

Felix smiled.

"It's one little thing. You come with me to the Capitol and be my wife", he answered.

The day of the Reaping came. Everyone turned to their television to watch. They all cooped up in Haymitch's house. Peeta and Katniss are clinging to each other while Effie sat on the couch with Haymitch by her side.

"Caesar Flickerman!" President Paylor announced the name one by one.

Effie gasped at each name of her colleagues being called. She knew them all. Some of them became her friends.

"…and lastly, Celia Floss!" with that everyone in the house jumped out in surprise and rejoiced, all except Effie.

They are so relieved that Effie was not called during the Reaping which means she will not go to the arena to fight for her life. She smiled as the children hugged her. She even talked to Johanna and Annie on the phone when they called to express their relief. It took Haymitch to notice Effie's demeanor at the whole thing. He expected her to jump in happiness but there she is just smiling like she doesn't even mean it.

The kids bid their goodbye to go to town so they can buy ingredients for their supper. Peeta is planning to have a celebration and they need a lot so they left the two alone. That's when Haymitch can finally talk to her.

"Aren't you happy, princess?" he finally asked.

"Of course, I am", she answered.

"Then why do I get the feeling you already knew your name was not going to be called?" he asked again.

Effie did not answer. She cannot tell him. How can she? It might break him but she cannot allow him to destroy himself with her death.

"Effie, what did you do?" he asked.

"I pulled some strings", she answered.


	22. Chapter 22

She told another lie to them that she knew a friend who secretly stole her name from the bowl so she wouldn't be called. They bought it. Of course, that's cheating but they don't care. What matter to them is that she's out of the arena and she's safe. They proceeded with the dinner celebration. Each of them talked about stories, jokes, sad memories and happy ones. Even Effie joined in whole heartedly which delighted Haymitch.

"Do you remember when Haymitch was so drunk that he hugged you on stage during a Reaping?" Katniss asked with a smile on her face.

"Oh, that is a dreadful memory! I was so embarrassed, well, not about the hug, of course, but because he just shown the whole Panem how wasted he was and that upset me because they would surely make fun of him for the rest of the year, not to mention he ruined my wig", Effie answered.

Katniss and Peeta laughed at her answer while Haymitch tried his best not to pull her into one. He never knew that that is the true reason she got mad at him that day. She yelled at him and even threw her schedule board at him in anger. He always thought it was because he ruined her wig but it turns out, she's upset because he just embarrassed himself on camera and she doesn't like the world to talk bad things about him.

"…but that was really funny though, Effie. Your face at the time was priceless and you managed to keep that smile", Peeta added and they kept on laughing until the it ran dry and everyone went serious.

They are all happy, except Effie. Haymitch is finally beginning to notice that. _Why wasn't she happy that she's safe and won't be entering the arena?_ he asked himself. They talked some more about plans for the coming days until the dinner came to an end the two kids went home. Effie put the dishes on the sink and started cleaning them. Haymitch followed after he walked the kids outside.

"That was a nice dinner. I heard lots and lots of laughter", he muttered.

"Yes. The children are very happy", she agreed.

"…but you're not", he snapped and that made Effie stopped moving.

_Does he know? How would he know?_ she kept those questions in her head.

"I was just tired, Haymitch. Of course, I am happy that I will not be going to that arena and get slaughtered", she lied.

He wanted to believe she's telling the truth but his heart is telling him that there's more she's not telling, that something about her being 'saved' is not right. His instincts were never wrong.

"Who's that friend of yours who stole your name from the bowl?" he asked, just fishing to get the truth.

"Why would you want to know?" she asked him back trying to buy time to think of something.

"Well, he did save your life so I figure maybe we can get your friend something like a gift. I mean, it's the least I can do after what your friend did, right? You agree with me? It's proper", he lied.

Effie nodded. She's all about manners and being proper. She put down the plate and turned to him.

"I think we can arrange something like that. How about I call him in the morning and we can invite him here? We can have Peeta prepare a nice meal", she suggested.

"I think that will be nice", he responded and that put Effie to ease.

The conversation was over and he went upstairs to get ready for bed. Effie took her time in the kitchen. She needs to be composed in order to face him in their room. If he finds out what she did, he will be mad. She knows that before she agreed to it but she would rather have him hate her than for him to kill himself with guilt because she died in the games he voted yes for. Haymitch can deal with rage and anger. He can survive that but not the guilt.

"Are you awake?" she asked when she joined him in bed.

"I was waiting for you", he answered with his eyes half-closed.

Effie leaned in and kissed him on his lips. She caught him off guard but he didn't push her away.

"What was that for?" he asked once she pulled away.

He's not complaining, just surprised. The last time they kissed was when they said goodbye back in the Capitol and it wasn't even a good one.

"I need you. I just need you", she answered unable to put her feelings into words and he understands. He's the same as well.

"Same here, princess", he replied and pulled her so he can kiss her better.

He didn't notice when a single tear escaped her eyes which she quickly wiped away. He removed his shirt fast and almost ripped her night gown from her body. He never wanted to rush her into anything but he did also wait a long time for this moment so when she finally gave him the signal, there is no holding back. He saw how she tried to cover her scars but he removed her hands from the sight.

"You are so beautiful, Eff. It's making my heart hurt", he muttered in awe.

Effie didn't bother wiping the tears this time. She's overflowing with emotions, love, anger, lust, guilt, regret, sadness, happiness, all rolled into one. When his hand wandered between her thighs, she suddenly tensed. Her breathing went fast and it alarmed Haymitch.

"Ssshhh…it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. We can stop. We can stop, Eff. It's fine", he said to soothe her but she recovered. It's Haymitch. He's not going to hurt her.

"I'm fine. Can we try again?" she asked and he obliged.

After few hours, Haymitch sleeps peacefully on the bed while Effie is watching over him, fully clothed with her suitcase. Her heart is already breaking in million pieces but she has to move before he wakes up so she turned around and started walking away from Haymitch, away from the village, and away from District 12.


	23. Chapter 23

_Dear Haymitch,_

_I know by the time you read this letter, you will be furiously mad at me. I understand and I will not hold it against you. I did not leave to hurt you or get back at you. This is the only way for everyone to get what they want. I want to say thank you for everything you have done for me. Please do take care of yourself and the kids. I wrote separate letters for them as well. I want you to know that I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, Haymitch Abernathy. You're the only one._

_Love, _

_Effie _

Haymitch stared a long time on that piece of paper. She's gone. He checked the closet and everything of hers are gone. She left without saying goodbye to him or the kids and she didn't even write her reason for leaving. He asked himself if there's anything he did wrong. Did he go too far last night? She did give him permission. Why would she leave him like that after they caught up with each other? He left his room and Katniss and Peeta are already waiting for him in the living room.

"What did you do?" she asked right away.

"I haven't done anything, sweetheart. Got me a note too", he answered while waving Effie's letter.

"Why would she leave just like that? Things are finally fine", Peeta muttered.

Haymitch put the letter on the table and went to the kitchen. He knows he doesn't have any bottles left since he threw them out when he became sober but he now needs it desperately. Last night was great. They were happy and it's like all a dream for when he wakes up, she's no longer sleeping next to him. What happened? Effie never leaves without saying a proper goodbye even when she's mad at him.

"I'm going to try and call her apartment. I will let you know if she will answer", Peeta said but he didn't turn around.

"I'll call Plutarch too. Maybe he knows where she is", Katniss added and the two left his house.

He stayed at the kitchen staring at Effie's tea at the counter. She mentioned she wants to quit coffee and drink tea instead every morning but she cannot shake her caffeine addiction. He laughed so hard at her that she threw him a glare. He teased her about how he can quit alcohol but she cannot quit coffee. It's how his day went, remembering her and their memories together. She's not dead. She's just gone from his life. She left him. That's it.

The kids did not return with news. Maybe they failed to get any. Couple of days passed and still nothing. Sae visited him after she learned what happened.

"Well, you're not drunk so that's good", she muttered when she saw him on the couch. "You haven't eaten anything and that is bad", she added.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Watch your tone there boy. I came here to feed you so you need to be grateful", she answered.

Sae served him with soup but he only looked at it.

"You have to eat", she said.

"Did she tell you anything? She can't leave just like that", he asked now sounding vulnerable which he never show to anyone other than Effie and now Sae.

"Oh, Abernathy…I wish I can give you something but no, she did not say anything about leaving. Last time I saw her was when she got scared shitless by that guy and that was it", she answered.

Haymitch is losing hope. He wanted to know her reason but he couldn't find any. She's been happy with them. He knows it. She was smiling and laughing and the people of Twelve finally accepted her. Why would she leave after all the work she has done?

"She wouldn't just took off like that. Effie is always proper. Saying goodbyes in letter is not her style", he muttered.

"Well, if you knew her so well like that then I guess you got your answer. What if it's not really the kind of goodbye you're thinking about", she suggested.

They looked at each other for a moment. She's right. He knows her better than anyone else. Effie only writes letter if she wants to avoid the conversation and she's not like with them. If she wants to say goodbye, she does it face to face. When he and Katniss left the Capitol, Effie was still mad at him but she came still and said her goodbye in person. Something is off. She wanted to avoid conversation with him if she will tell him she's leaving. She's been very off after the announcement of the tributes for the game. She said she was just tired but she's happy she wasn't included. He bought that like a fool but now he can see it clearly. She's masking it.

_"__What did you?"_

_"__I pulled some strings"._

She pulled some strings. His guts already told him that her _'friend'_ who _'stole'_ her name from the bowl may not be real but he looked on the other side because he's in a celebratory mood. He got up and went to read her letter which he had read so many times in the past few days._ I did not leave to hurt you or get back at you. This is the only way for everyone to get what they want. _She said it's the only way for everyone to get what they want. She's not leaving him for herself. She's leaving him for other people. Who?

"Haymitch!" Katniss called after bursting from the door.

"What?" he asked.

"We found her. Plutarch called this morning", she answered.

"So, she's back at the Capitol?" he guessed.

"Oh, she is back, yes, and she is engaged too", she said.

This time Sae stood up.

"What?" she asked.

"She's engaged to Felix Garth", Katniss answered.


	24. Chapter 24

Being back in the Capitol is like going back to sleep to experience another nightmare. Effie started wondering if she did the right choice. Perhaps going in the arena is much more sane than putting herself in this position but it's too late to go back. She's alive and Haymitch probably hates her by now. _He's alive_, she thought.

Felix brought her to his home which six times larger than her old apartment. Of course, he's rich. It's a wonder how he retained his wealth after the war but she never asked. Perhaps he has more connections. He's been on Snow's side but he's never imprisoned. He definitely got lots of connections.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"Your place is lovely", she answered in a plain tone of voice.

She's been an escort for years. Putting up a face should be easy especially to a man filled with ego.

"I am glad you like it. You should settle your things while the Avox prepare our meal", he said.

Of course, he still got an Avox. He is rich. Does Paylor know? No one can answer that.

At dinner, the table is filled with all the foods District Twelve can only dream to have. Sure, the government has changed but poverty is still there. I am used to this kind of life before the war but I also learned to live simple and enough during my time with Haymitch and the kids. Now, I am back here and I can hear voices at the back of my head telling me that I should run while I still can.

"You're quiet. Isn't it part of your job to stir up conversation?" Felix asked while he enjoys the steak.

"You're mistaken me for Caesar", I snapped.

It was meant to insult his intelligence but he laughed at it. I guess he finds it funny which makes me question his intelligence more.

"From what I gathered, you worked your ass really hard to get those Sponsors for Twelve when Haymitch Abernathy was busy getting his ass drunk. Now, that is remarkable. No other Escorts will have the guts to go all their way for starving districts", he said.

I felt myself controlling my hand from throwing the nearest object beside me to him. He doesn't get to insult Haymitch. He doesn't know what the man has been through.

"I must have hit a nerve because you're turning red. Forgive me. I am working on the thing called filter but since we're at my house, I think I am entitled to say whatever I want", he added.

"Of course, it's your house", I agreed maintaining that Escort façade.

"It will be your house soon. The announcement will be made by the end of the month. I already talked to the media department and they will broadcast the news by then", he said.

That would benefit me in no way. The news will reach Twelve and Haymitch will then hate me for the rest of his life. I am betting the kids too.

"That would be great", I said.

Felix put down his utensils and looked at me. The smile on his face has vanished.

"Now, drop that mask and tell me what you really think", he ordered.

He may not be as stupid as I think he is.

"Why are you treating me nicely? You never had before. From what I can remember which is not much since I was near to the valley of death, you beat me up, dislocated my shoulder and played with me like I'm your dog so why do all these? Why the nice dinner? Why the polite treatment?" I asked in full honesty.

He smiled.

"There you are. Well, to answer your question, you will be my wife in a month so I think it's only natural to treat my future wife nicely. Don't you think? I'll be honest with you. I didn't ask for the reward from President Snow. He gave it for my loyalty. That's what he believed anyway", he answered.

That's what he believed?

"What are you talking about?" I asked again.

"I am a player, Miss Trinket, and a damn good one. I never lose. In order to stay on top of things, you must know your options. By the time you Mockingjay volunteers for her sister, I knew then she's going to win. When she twirled on stage and revealed that Mockingjay dress, I knew war is coming. I planned ahead and I chose my side", he answered.

"You sold him out. That's why you got to keep all of these. You sold Snow to the rebels", I concluded and he confirmed it with a nod.

"Smart. I always knew you're smart. The dresses and makeups may concealed that for years but I know you always are. Back to your first question. When we were in that room, I was expected to be a lustful and hungry ally of President Snow who's very delighted at my reward. You do know there was camera in that room. I must play the part. I have to admit I played too far and I hurt you but that's where you captivated me. You're literally broken and yet I never saw a single tear escaped your eyes. You were tough. I have never met anyone as tough as you and I said to myself right then and there, 'if this woman survives the war, she will be mine' and here we are", he continued.

I don't know why his answer both makes me sick and surprised.

"I wasn't tough. I was just waiting to die at that point. Death never came which was disappointing", I muttered.

Felix laughed some more.

"I heard about that too. Suicide doesn't suit you, dear. I never want to set foot in District Twelve but when I heard you're there, I just had to see you", he said.

"So you followed me?" I asked.

"Of course, I need to have you, all of you. So, cheers to the start of our lives together", he answered and raised his glass.

I looked at mine and saw champagne in it. I don't drink. I stopped that but the look in his eyes says that I must so I picked it up, raised it and drank it.


	25. Chapter 25

We watched the game together. Felix is so amused by how my former colleagues kill each other in order to survive. I get it now why he wants to wait for the end of the month to announce our engagement. He doesn't want the games to overshadow the news. He wants it to be the headline everywhere.

Champagne is a staple in the house. I don't drink I have drank water since I came here. It's either champagne, wine, or soda. The first night he put his hands on me, I thought, he will stop once he sees my scars but he didn't. The seemed to amuse him more. It wasn't like what he did to me before. I am starting to believe that it was all a show for Snow. Maybe he's telling the truth about the camera being there. I wonder where is the tape now. That is a problem for another day.

I quickly fell in the lifestyle of the Capitol, the one I always knew. Parties, drinks, pills, I fell back the rabbit hole once more. It's deeper than before. I preferred it rather than sit in the living room and watch the game although it's all people talk about in the bar which includes me because I was supposed to be in it. Felix never said a word on how he managed to get me out of it and I never asked. The relationship has been just purely physical. The booze and pills allowed me to actually enjoy being touched by him. On some occasion, imagining Haymitch all over me makes me more active and he likes it. He gives me everything I want, all the material things I want, just say a word and he'll make it happen.

Days became hazy for me. I stopped counting the days I am away from Haymitch and the kids. I guess too much vices will do that to you. There is no way they can call me here and I cannot call them either. I know and I am sure of it that I saw Plutarch few days ago at one party but he didn't approach me. He just watched me from afar and I bet he already reported that to Haymitch. It will be another reason for him to hate me. The idea of parties and me always make him angry. He knows I hate all the pretense that came along with it but I am not pretending this time. I don't go there for Sponsors anymore. I just go there for drinks and pills.

The game is almost over and it's been almost a month since I left Twelve. I found myself in 'our' bedroom alone and with no clothes on. Felix must've left early for a meeting. I am not sure what his job is but it must've been important because he's got piles of money. I walked towards my closet and saw all the expensive and glittering dresses. If you'll ask me before the war if this is the life I want, I would've said yes. I got nothing left to ask for. That was the materialistic Effie. This Effie is different. Well, do I really know what kind of person I am today? My brain is filled with too much bad memories, bad decisions, pain, anger, regret, shame, alcohol and pills to even function right now.

Felix doesn't care if I am a walking mess as long as his bed is warm. When he said he needs to have me, he meant as a trophy. I make him look good and that's all. He doesn't love me. I don't love him. Love at this point is overrated. Fairytale ending is false.

Tonight is not going to be very different from the other nights. Game is over. I don't care who won. I will drink tonight so I can pass out later. I went to my usual spot and ordered my drink. I popped a few pills and started getting wasted. The loud music is great for blocking the talk about the game. I don't want to hear anything about it. I kept drinking until I felt someone took the seat next to me. A lot of guys made passes at me during my time here every night. I turned them down each time. Felix is enough to make me feel sick about myself.

"Not interested. Go away", I said without looking and kept drinking.

"Where is your manners, princess?" he asked.

I stopped drinking. I heard it right…right? It took me a couple of seconds to bring my glass down without breaking it. I couldn't bring myself to look beside me because if it's him, I wouldn't know what to say and if it's not him, I will just be disappointed and probably hallucinating. I don't know which one is worse.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked again.

I turned to his direction and it's him. It is really him. How can he be here? He hates Capitol. He hates this place.

"I must be so drunk right now", I muttered as I closed my eyes hoping when I opened them it's all just imagination.

Then, I felt _his_ hand on mine. That's when I knew it's really happening right now. He is here.

"Come with me now", he said.

"It's not as easy as you think", I said.

"Why? Because of Felix? I know about that, Eff. I am taking you out of here", he asked.

How did he know about that? The announcement is in three days. Does he have friends in the media department?

"I have to stay here, Haymitch", I insisted.

He wouldn't understand but I have to. I made a deal. I have to hold my end of the bargain. My mother used to say it's what makes us Trinkets different from other Capitol citizens. We always take on our promises.

"Why? Tell me why do you have to stay here, Eff? Tell me why do you have to be engaged with him? He hurt you. You don't love him. Help me understand", he asked.

I looked into his eyes and I can see his desperation for answers. If I tell him the truth, he will only feel guilty about it and if I lie, he will see through it right away and he will not leave until he gets the truth from me. Felix can't know he's here. I am screwed. I am trapped and there's nowhere to go.

"if I lose you, I don't think I can take it. I will not survive that, Eff. It will kill me. I know it will", I repeated his words.

I still know it by heart. His eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting that answer from me. Did he really think I don't love him and that I leave him? Would it matter? It's how I wanted him to think of it anyway. Haymitch grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the chair.

"We're going to grab your stuff and we're going home", he said.


	26. Chapter 26

Haymitch took me back to Felix's house. How he knows where it is? I have no idea. He made me pack all my clothes until Felix arrived home.

"Okay…I guess I should start asking why he's here", he muttered.

What do I do? What should I say? He just came by to visit? I am not a good liar, not when it comes to Haymitch.

"I came to get my wife back", Haymitch said.

I looked at him and that is not a punch line. He totally meant it. Felix frowned and then looked at me, probably searching if it's true.

"Are you drunk right now, Mr. Abernathy? Effie here is not married to anyone yet. She will be in a few days to me but you are invited", Felix said tauntingly.

I really hope Haymitch isn't drunk right now because I know he can totally kill this guy in a snap and I don't want him to go to prison because of me.

"Well, you should check in to your contacts about that because I'm pretty sure we have a marriage certificate on their records and you know you can't marry someone who's already married. Government won't allow it especially if you're planning to marry a Victor's wife", Haymitch challenged.

I'm pretty sure Felix did some background check before he followed me to Twelve. He knew about everything but I can tell Haymitch isn't bluffing either. I am totally lost. My head is hurting and I am dying to pop some pills right now or maybe a shot of tequila would be nice. All this charade is making me feel nauseous.

"Don't be ridiculous. I know you're bluffing. Look, I'm sorry she left you but it's all over, Mr. Abernathy. She's with me now whether you like it or not", Felix insisted.

Haymitch only scoffed and then laughed.

"You really think that? Come on, make the call. Let's see who's bluffing", he pushed.

I can see Felix turning red. I got suddenly reminded of that time in that room. He got so mad when I didn't cry at his beatings. That same look back then, he's wearing it now. He did make the call and I can see the disappointment crumbling on his face. Haymitch isn't lying. Am I married to him now? How?

"I believe I was proven wrong. Forgive me, Mr. Abernathy", he apologized although his rage is coming out of his nose. "Why didn't you tell me?" he then asked me.

I can feel Haymitch's eyes on me.

"You never asked", I answered.

It wasn't that hard to spit that out. He did not ask. That is true. Felix scoffed and shook his head.

"You got me fooled, Miss Trinket. Like I said, you're smarter than most people think. You're good at timing too because the game is already over. You're free. I cannot get back at you even if I want to", he said.

That is true. Maybe it's why Haymitch came just now. Maybe he waited for the game to be over too. He walked towards Felix and put his hand on his shoulder.

"You cannot get back at her ever. You wanna know why? Me. You ever come near her, you ever touch her, you ever dare plot anything against her, I will fucking kill you slowly so that you can feel all the pain you put her through in that room. Yeah, I know that too and you're lucky I am not doing anything about it because my wife asked me not to when you went to my district so consider yourself lucky because if you try to do anything again, I won't be as kind as I am right now. Do you understand me?" Haymitch warned.

They stared at each other and I can see how fear slowly registered into Felix. Everyone knows Haymitch and what he's capable of. I guess that's why Victors are well-treated by Capitol citizens. They know what they can do and they are scared of them.

"Of course", Felix replied.

Haymitch turned to me and offered his hand. I took it without thinking and together we left the Capitol.

At the train, things are very quiet. We did not speak to each other. Well, I did not speak to him the entire ride. He just sat across from me and stared at me. Meanwhile, I occupied myself drinking everything in the bar and popping pills when he's back was turned. It's bad. I know but I cannot stop. I just can't.

We reached the village and Katniss and Peeta are both waiting for us at Haymitch's house. They are so worried and they kept firing questions at me on why I left. I guess Haymitch didn't tell them yet. Katniss is more unpleasant with the questions.

"So, you just left with a note? What is that? We welcomed you here and not just in this village. The whole district welcomed you and you left us for some Capitol businessman", she exclaimed.

"Katniss, we talked and agreed that this is not how we are going to talk to Effie", Peeta tried to pacify her but Katniss is beyond that.

"I don't care, Peeta. She left. Why the hell did you left us?" she asked.

I dropped my bag on the floor not caring if my new perfume bottles in there break. I am just so tired from the journey and I need something to make me feel great. I don't need any of this right now and Katniss nagging at me and demanding answers is not helping with the headache.

"She left for me", Haymitch intervened. The two kids looked at him. "She knows that if she dies in the game, I will lose it so she did that to escape the game for me", he added.

It sounds so great when he put it like that. Katniss expression softened.

"Effie is that true? Is Felix the friend you said who stole your name from the Reaping bowl?" she asked.

Is it that hard to believe?

"He didn't exactly steal it himself but yes", I answered.

"…and in exchange of that, you have to marry him. I get it now", Peeta concluded.

The boy is smart but I am really tired.

"Will you excuse me? I am really tired and I need to go upstairs", I said without letting anyone stop me.


	27. Chapter 27

I know what she'll do upstairs so I sent the kids home and I followed her in our bedroom. There I saw her holding bunch of pills in her hand which is shaking. She is staring at them with her every will not to take them. I know she doesn't want to. Her brain and body are forcing to. Going back to Capitol pulled her back to the pills again. I knew that the moment I saw the letter. I was just clouded by questions and self-pity to act on it. That place is bad for her and given Felix's wealth, she was able to get anything she wants, any pills she wants. She fell down the hole once more.

"Eff, they looked pretty but you know what they do", I said.

Tears fell from her eyes. She is struggling. I know that. She has come down from the high and now seeing some sense about her situation but the urge to take more is strong.

"I cannot stop", she muttered.

"Of course you can, sweetheart. Look at you right now. You could've taken those earlier when I wasn't here and yet you are able to hold it this long", I said and that is not sugarcoating anything. "Look at me, baby", and she did. "You are stronger than you know. I am sure you are thinking that's not true but it is. You're strong, smart, and very stubborn to be beaten by this. You were able to get passed this before, Eff. Sure as hell you can do it again because I'm here. I am not going anywhere and I am not going to let you go again", I added.

She pursed her lips trying to word her thoughts carefully.

"How did we become married to each other?" she asked.

I knew that question is coming up but I didn't expect it to be this way.

"I had Plutarch made a marriage certificate and we forged your signature on it so the paper is legal", I answered.

"So, you committed a crime. You lied for me", she said.

That sounded so bad when she put it like that.

"Well, you told a lie for me more than once, sweetheart. It's only fitting I do the same for you", I confirmed.

She smiled.

"What a relationship this is, Haymitch? It's practically based on lies", she said.

"The old world we lived in was full of lies but what we are to each other, what you are to me, what I feel for you…they're not lies, Eff. I love you and that is the truth", I said.

More tears fell from her eyes and I did my best to brush them away.

"I love you too, Haymitch. I want you to know that. I only did what I did because I don't want you to die. I don't want you to lose yourself. I would rather have you hating me for the rest of my life than you suffering in guilt because of me, because of my death. I am so sorry", she exclaimed.

"Darling…I never blamed you for anything. You don't have to apologize. If the situation is reversed, I would've done the same thing. I would've done everything for you. Hell, I just spearheaded a forgery for you and I would've killed that asshole if you hadn't stopped me so we're not so different after all", I said and she laughed.

It's good to hear her laughter again. I missed it. I missed her.

"Let's start over again, princess. Let's start fresh. No more lies this time, just the truth. What do you say?" I asked opening my palm in front of her.

She kept her eyes on me while she struggled until she poured the pills from her hand to mine. It took all she had to do that and I can see it. I am very proud of her.

"I will take that as a yes. Fair warning, we are really married now, princess, so you're known now as Effie Abernathy", I said.

"That won't be a problem. I like the sound of that", she replied.

"I am glad you do. I love you, Mrs. Abernathy", I said.

"I love you too, Mr. Abernathy", she said.


End file.
